Breath Beyond the Rain (Archived)

Author of Faith, Eternal Word

2009-06-26T12:18:00.002-05:00

This is a hymn by Charles Wesley

Author of faith, eternal Word,
Whose Spirit breathes the active flame;
Faith like its finisher and Lord,
Today as yesterday the same.

To Thee our humble hearts aspire,
And ask the gift unspeakable;
Increase in us the kindled fire,
In us the work of faith fulfill.

By faith we know Thee strong to save;
Save us, a present Savior Thou!
Whate’er we hope,
by faith we have
Future and past subsisting now.

To him that in Thy Name believes
Eternal life with Thee is given;
Into Himself He all receives,
Pardon and holiness, and heaven.

The things unknown to feeble sense,
Unseen by reason’s glimmering ray,
With strong commanding evidence
Their heavenly origin display.

Faith lends its realizing light,
The clouds disperse, the shadows fly;
Th’invisible appears in sight,
And God is seen by mortal eye.

2009-06-05T16:03:00.001-05:00

I've got so much on my mind

Have to get it off my chest

Have to open up my mouth and speak the truth

I Let the little words out right

Leave the biggest stone unturned

It's like I'm trying to keep the light from taking root

But I'm never gonna clean this slate at the rate I'm going

Have to dig in to find the strength to follow through...

Cause if it were up to me

To pull myself out of this place

A failure's what I'd be without your grace

Cause it's never gonna wash me clean, this muddy water

Your rivers' the only thing to make me new...

...Cause I'm never gonna clean this slate at the rate I'm going

Have to dig in to find the strength to follow through...

This is part of a Jill Phillips song that I don't know the name to. The chorus doesn't really apply to me, so I left it out, but the verses do.

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Beware of the Stinging Nettle

2009-02-23T00:41:00.005-06:00

Y'all ever heard of these things? I think it's something I may have heard of but didn't really know what they were. They're plants. They look like mint and they grow like mint - taking over and recreating wherever they are. Except the major difference is that they have tiny little thorns all over them that appear as "texture". These thorns immediately release some strange chemical into your fingers. We went hiking today and kept seeing these along the path and I was curious.. is it mint? (the ones we saw were much prettier than the picture) So I went to pluck a leaf and immediately pulled back my hand! It BIT ME! Weird thing is there were no thorns actually stuck in my fingers. It just felt like it. I thought it would go away after a few hours and the sensation has changed, but not diminished much. It feels like the ends of my left finger and thumb are asleep. When something touches them I get that strange waking-up-pins-and-needles sensation. Anyway. I just thought I would share so that you can avoid them too. It's not nice.

I Am the Church

2009-02-13T00:04:00.001-06:00

I came across this video. It's really, really neat. SO amazing to see that there are so many around the world who say the same thing we do.

I Can't Remember

2009-02-11T16:17:00.004-06:00

I can't remember the last time that I've written with abandon. Written something for myself because I need to, because I want the release of seeing all of it typed in front of me instead of floating around in my head in unorganized, wandering thoughts. I think that's part of what my blog is for. Not always these lofty philosophical theologies and revelations. Not that those are bad. And I do want to write about that. The things that God has been revealing, the way He's been changing have been monumental. But what about the past few months? The months in which this blog has lay dormant. I feel a silent question from the readers - especially those who may not know me as well. What's happened?

A line from a Sara Groves song is circling my mind right now. "It's been a hard year, I'm climbing out of the rubble. These lessons are hard, healing changes are subtle. But every day.. It's less like scars... And more like character" I admit. I haven't much of a life to reflect on yet. But this has been one of the hardest years I've ever encountered. So difficult, so painful, but so gloriously victorious. Lets go backwards.

Start with December. My dad was admitted to the hospital at the beginning of the month, losing blood in places you don't want to lose blood. He lost so much at one point that he passed out and ended up in the ICU for days. They discovered a cancerous tumor in his colon. There was never an opportunity to be fearful. Immediately the body of Christ surrounded us on all sides. God gave us peace through every circumstance we faced. He brought our family together and gave us the comfort of HIS family. I had an entire month to simply cherish the LIFE of my dad. He was in and out of the ICU a couple times, but we got through it after 2 exhausting weeks. Gods timing was amazing! They removed the cancer and doctors now say that he is 95% CURED - something they rarely say to anyone. The chances of the cancer coming back are little to none.

Back up a little more. We had a week off of work and school due to a major Hurricane in September. Gustav hit Baton Rouge with more force than any hurricane for several years. Weird part is, the hurricane was great! We played in it and spent an inordinate amount of time with our family - the body of Christ (who, incidentally had power back after 2 days, while we had to wait a week!). But during that time the Lord was dealing with me emotionally. That was very weird to me. For so long I didn't think that He had anything to do with emotion. I've learned not to base my spiritual status on how I "feel".. In fact I think that's rather dumb and selfish. But there was years worth of anger and hurt built up in me that I had to deal with. The alternative to dealing with it was a heart hardened by bitterness. And I could see myself on that pathway very quickly. God gave me a major revelation on this passage from Hebrews 11:15, "Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled." But.. That's a blog post in itself.. He's still working on me to keep my heart clear.

In July we moved out. That was such a bittersweet experience! I think we were ecstatic to finally be on our own. Everything that happened leading up to moving out was difficult. But I knew that God had me in that season for a purpose and I was determined not to waste that time! Being surrendered to Him paid off in a big way. He changed me and my attitude.. And taught me some very valuable things during those 6 months. Like how to keep my mouth shut when it's difficult. How to serve and love when everything in your flesh says they don't deserve it.

“We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armor. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as a way in which they should break, so be it.”

I've put that quote on my blog before. But I think that now it sums up the last year for me. There has been love through suffering. And I can't remember a time when I've ever felt nearer to Him. Even when it seems He is the one doing the breaking. He has taught me to throw away the defenses and let myself be wounded. And He is healing deeper than I dreamed was possible.

Testing for Deanna

2009-02-04T07:25:00.001-06:00

Y'all tell me if you see a picture.

****Edit: Okay it worked, Thanks!

I'm Still Here

2008-11-18T11:15:00.002-06:00

For those of you who actually check this blog I just thought I'd drop you a note to say that I'm still here. I've thought of many various blog posts in the past month but before I get the chance to blog them, I discuss them with most of the people who care to know what I'm thinking - and by that time, what's the point it writing it down? It'd be a bit redundant.

It occurred to me last night that when I say, "I've been busy" it really isn't made up.. I really am. I realized that I have my weeknights scheduled Tuesday through Friday and usually Saturday. Monday nights are my only truly "open" nights! The time in between is spent cooking, cleaning, running errands, and more recently developing the hobbies usually ascribed to elderly women.. Jordan learned to knit, so I wanted to and taught myself from a YouTube Video. Yet further proof that this is the "digital age". And we are putting together our first puzzle in years.

Another point of interest: I am currently engrossed in reading a little piece of Baton Rouge history. It's a hand-written log book from a Hippie Crisis Call Center/Charity of sorts called "The Genesis House". It was recorded over 35 years ago! My dad actually used to work there and knew many of the people who wrote in it. My American History teacher was a crock so I'm learning all these things about that era as a whole right now - about the Vietnam War, Roe V. Wade, and so on and so forth. Reading this book is like reading a bunch of random diary entries. Some are really funny but others are genuinely heartbreaking.

I hope to do some writing about it. I want to take some pictures of it and post them too.. Some of the entries are really funny. I'm trying to do some research about the things going on in Baton Rouge during that time frame (June through September of '71) but this is one instance where Google doesn't prove to be very useful. I'm grateful for the privilege of having access to the State Library.

Who's on First??!!??

2008-10-15T21:49:00.001-05:00

Open Letter to Whole Foods Guy

2008-10-12T19:13:00.002-05:00

Dear Whole Foods Guy,

Tonight I entered your store on a mission. At the restaurant next door one of my best friends sat leaning over a table looking sick with the pain consuming her head. This, from the girl who bikes into the woods for fun, emerging bruised, scratched and exhausted but grinning. So I was highly concerned, and as I said, on a mission. Discouraged after scanning over aisles and seeing only labels for vitamins, herbs, homeopathic remedies and essential oils, I approached you. Yes, you. With your hair longer than mine, square wire rimmed glasses, and crooked apron. Great, I thought. One of these.

My face began to flush while I stared at the organic remedies in on the shelf in front of me. I stammered with an urgency, "Look, I know y'all have all this all natural stuff, but I have a friend with a severe headache and I need something - Ibuprofen, Excedrin, Tylenol, Anything!" I looked up to see you shaking your head emphatically before I even finished the words. Oh great, here it comes. I was officially embarrassed and blushed to prove it. What was I thinking that I would find real medicine in Whole Foods??? You walked down the aisle a few steps and crouched in front of the bottom shelf to show us a few things. I thought surely you were avoiding showing me where the things I wanted were located because you couldn't let me "poison" my friend with such items. The first thing you showed us was some sort of Bark. Willow Bark I believe. Very similar to the ingredients in aspirin. Then there was some sort of herbal remedy, and lastly the essential oil version of "Head On". I couldn't believe I was standing there wasting my time this way, and stared at the floor behind you thinking, "Now what??" Meanwhile my sister gawked at the digital price tag - $21.99 for Bark? Are you JOKING? You explained that you couldn't carry the items I asked for because of chemicals in the coatings. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

I think you saw that I wasn't buying it - the product or your sales pitch. You stood upright then and lowered your voice a notch saying, "Well, there's a gas station about a block that way, and a grocery store about a minute further that direction.." You hesitated when I shook my head and told you that we didn't drive, but walked over from the restaurant next door. "Oh, you're on foot..." We sort of stood there all staring at each other while I tried to come up with something we could do. It's New Orleans. I wasn't walking a block away at 8:00 at night. I think we must have looked awfully worried because the next thing you said was something like, "You know what? Don't worry about it. I'll find something. I'll have someone look in the back, and I'll get something for you. Would you prefer something specific?" Shocked, but hopeful I told you ibuprofen would be good, but we'd take anything. I couldn't say thank you enough! You went to have someone take care of it.

While we lingered in the aisle staring aimlessly at items we knew nothing about you went about helping other customers. You paused to assure us that you were available if we needed you and that someone would be returning soon. I saw you answer a telephone and from a distance could tell that you were discussing us. I heard you say, "No, Just get whatever you can find, as much as you can get!" You looked to us to confirm that there was no allergy to aspirin. After hanging up you told us it would only be a few more minutes.

The minutes crawled by and as they did I was replaying in my mind my friends reaction when I asked her what kind of medicine she wanted. Her eyes grew as big as saucers when she asked with surprised relief, "You have something??!" I told her no, but that I was going to get it. From that point all I got out of her were mumblings that she would be fine and other such incoherent nonsense. I knew better.

Shortly though a bearded employee came down the aisle in your direction with something in his hand. We smiled and watched him pass. Before he interrupted you with your customer he turned back to us and asked, "Are you the ones with the friend...?" My relief was palpable as I said yes and he reached to place two small packets of medicine in my hand. I tried to press a couple of bills into his hand in return, thanking him profusely and insisting he take it for all his trouble. It was more than obvious that it required a wild goose chase to track down any real medicine in that place! He refused though after several attempts and finally told me, "Give it to him!"

You were still helping a customer further down the aisle but I saw you were keeping an eye on the interchange. I took the bills back regretfully and tried to come up with a way to give them to you without making your customer aware of what was going on. As I approached you I decided that the easiest way to make you accept it was to slip it into the large pocket of your hopelessly skewed apron. I did just that, without pausing to say anything so you would have no opportunity to return it. By the time you realized what happened I was too far away for you to give it back easily, but still you called after me, "No, you don't have to do this!" I turned around and said, "Thank you SO MUCH! You don't know how much we appreciate it!!" but kept walking towards the door, clutching my prize. My sister, who was several feet behind me caught on when you turned around to look for her, but she dashed around to the next aisle before you could reach her either. I looked back again in time to hear you exhale exasperatedly and see you blush to your hairline, but smile nonetheless. All I could do was grin unrepentantly and wave while I walked out of sight.

Yes, in the beginning I stereotyped you very erroneously. I think you taught me a lesson in that regard. I believe I experienced a Random Act of Kindness tonight. The kind that makes me wonder if you are a child of The Way, or simply someone who was raised in the generous atmosphere that seems to permeate native New Orleanians. You did something that you did not have to do. You went to a great effort to help us, though no one asked you to. And you expected nothing in return, which made it all the more precious. And I want you to know that it made a very distinct impression on me. As silly as it is to say it again... thank you.

I must pay my respects

2008-09-15T20:00:00.002-05:00

... because I said I would! So by the way y'all, Dave gets another blog award. Not only for blogging more than all of us put together in a week, but for being very obliging and playing his sax for us Sunday!! He's gotten very good!! I will definitely be one of those people venturing out to whatever Christmas parade he's going to be marching in!

We're Fine!

2008-09-02T22:35:00.003-05:00

Hey there y'all!

I just wanted to let you know that we weathered the storm just fine! There were massive power outages though - this is the worst hurricance Baton Rouge has seen since the sixties. We're under a curfew from dusk to dawn every evening until further notice. We JUST got power and cable back, obviously, but 85% of the parish is still in the dark. I think 100% was out for quite a while there. It was insane. First time that's ever happened. Jordan won't be in school the rest of the week, and I won't be at work at least tomorrow, we'll see about the rest of the week...

Anyway, our cell service is spotty at best, even text is messed up. At&t is having major issues.

Love y'all! Thanks for your prayers!!!!!

God in a Box

2008-08-21T21:48:00.003-05:00

Literally. A big ugly concrete one.

Okay so I was on my way home today and was listening to NPR. Yes. I am an NPR fan. When the news isn't sickeningly repetitive.

So anyway, this story caught my attention when they led up to it with the phrase, "Church congregation wants to tear down their building. But they can't - stay tuned to hear why." (paraphrased) You can read the whole story here. So anyway, to paraphrase, this congregation wants to tear down their big ugly block of concrete (the church was built in the 70's in the popular "brutalism" style) and build a new church building, but the city won't let them because it's been made into a historic landmark. The church is suing the city claiming that this infringes on their freedom of religion. This is their logic, "Nothing expresses a church's religious exercise more than its architecture. And this architecture does not express our theology and our exercise. Brutalism is not our religious expression." My mouth dropped open at that.

This is what the experts have to say about it. "But it's going to be tough to win in court. Robert Tuttle, a church-state expert at George Washington Law School, says cost and inconvenience are not enough. The church must show its expression of religion is "substantially burdened." Courts have different standards on what that means, but often it's a high bar. Namely, he says, church members must show they cannot practice the religion without overhauling or demolishing it. "

Alright, that last sentence was when I started laughing. I think this is highly ironic considering that "God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands." (Acts 17:24) I'm seriously considering emailing the district attorney of Washington DC with that scripture and telling them to use the bible against this congregation in this case!! I personally think it would be hilarious! But I don't think it would very effective considering this is a "Christian Science" church.

***Shamless plug*** DAVE wins this weeks award for the most spectacular blog post!!! Congratulations Dave. You are the most brilliant 13 year I know (no offense Leslie, but he takes the cake with this one!)

I like this

2008-08-15T22:51:00.004-05:00

...I am just like any other girl, and I love happy endings, and hand me a chick flick anytime, but the realization hits me that this is not what true love is about. It is not when the boy meets girl, and their eyes lock and it is love at first sight. It is not the Happily Ever After, and no, it is not roses and chocolate on Valentines.

Love is a bloodstained cross...

I read this paragraph in an article I was reading and that section just really stuck out to me. I guess because of the stark contrast in the description of the two things. The truth of it just stuck out to me. Love is not at all those mushy gushy things we're sort of trained to think it is from the time we're little kids. It's sacrifice. Sacrifice in so many ways. Thinking of others higher than yourselves.... and when I think of love in that way suddenly I see how many people love me so much. And It spurs me on to love through good works. (Hebrews 10:24) Anyway.. just a tidbit I thought I'd throw out there.

Tornado

2008-08-09T01:36:00.003-05:00

Wow.. Only a few of you know why the title to this song is SO freakishly ironic. It took me a while to find it because I never dreamed that was the title! Anyway, I've had a line from this Sara Groves song stuck in my head for over a week now..

You live your life like a tornado.
Destruction follows everywhere you go.
And you have no plans to stop or slow (oh).
I will not let this bitter root grow in me.
I will not let you leave that legacy,
But it gets so hard when pain is all I see (oh).

And every time I find healing, you're making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.

And I tried to remove myself from your path,
But I keep on waking up in the aftermath.
So I pick up again and say I won't look back (oh).
And I will not let this bitter root grow in me.
I will not let you leave that legacy,
But this constant fight is breaking me (oh).

And every time I find healing, you're making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.

And it hurts when you hit at the hearts of the ones I love;
When everything you touch is rubble and dust.
And it gets so hard to know how to trust,
But I will not let that bitter root grow.
I will not let it, no no.
But it gets so hard (oh).

And every time I find healing you're making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.
And I could move and never send you a forwarding address,
Or I could learn the real meaning of forgiveness.

More Holiness Give Me

2008-08-06T00:07:00.004-05:00

This cry comes from the very depths of my heart right now, of where the Lord has me and how He's dealing with me..

More holiness give me, more strivings within.
More patience in suffering, more sorrow for sin.
More faith in my Savior, more sense of His care.
More joy in His service, more purpose in prayer.

More gratitude give me, more trust in the Lord.
More zeal for His glory, more hope in His Word.
More tears for His sorrows, more pain at His grief.
More meekness in trial, more praise for relief.

More purity give me, more strength to o'ercome,
More freedom from earth-stains, more longings for home.
More fit for the kingdom, more useful I'd be,
More blessèd and holy, more, Savior, like Thee.

- Hymn by Philip Paul Bliss

The Summer Chronicles

2008-07-02T12:38:00.002-05:00

That's going to be the name of our Video Blogging series. I realize it's kinda dumb considering this summer is already halfway over, but the rest of the summer is going to be busy so it'll be okay!

Just wanted to let y'all know that the first "Episode" is in the works if I can figure out why the computer doesn't like the video files off my dads camera.

Announcements

2008-06-23T00:49:00.003-05:00

I know, I've blogged twice in one week! It's a miracle!! Especially considering how long this blog has remained virtually dormant.

Though this post will be brief. I have two things to announce.

1) Many of our close friends already know this but I figure it's about time to tell everyone - officially - Jordan and I will be moving out of our parents house in the next two weeks. We're going to be moving in 10 minutes away with a single lady in our church body who has an extra room and bathroom in her apartment. We're excited and nervous all at once! In the past month God has just made it increasingly apparent that this is what we're supposed to do and we trust that He will be faithful to see us through all the changes and transitions we'll be making...

2) Lauren, Jordan and I are going to attempt to "video blog" this summer. We were discussing this evening how none of us have much time these days to sit down and type out all the things that are happening in our lives, all the things that God is revealing. It's a lot easier to say it than it is to type it out. Since we all have webcams and/or digital cameras we figured it shouldn't be all that difficult. So... yes it's going to be awkward at first, but we hope you guys will give us grace in that respect.. and don't laugh too hard!! Haha.. Those of you who like the idea are more than welcome to join us in this! We hope that it'll catch on, but we'll just have to see.

Changes

2008-06-19T14:32:00.002-05:00

Have you guys noticed that among our circle of friends the phrase, "God is doing a lot right now." has become an almost cliché generalization at this point? I've been guilty of saying it far too often myself, not knowing how to sum up in a couple of sentences the things that are happening so deeply inside me that there almost can be no words. Unfortunately right now you're going to have to live with the generalizations.. I'm trying to keep them to a minimum but if you know me you know what I'm talking about. Haha..

At the beginning of this year God made it very clear to us ("us" being my sister and I in particular) that we are going to do a lot of growing up, in more ways than one. As I reflect over the last 6 months I can see where some of that has taken place. I determined early on that the Lord was going to allow me to stay just uncomfortable enough not to stay where I was at, but to continue pressing forward in Him. Uncomfortable is an understatement. He has pushed and shoved on me until my old "comfort zones" no longer exist. It's been encouraging though because in the process He has changed my heart, my mind, even my train of thought and emotions. The way I react to things now is totally different from the way I did 6 months ago. I will never cease to be amazed when I suddenly realize, "Wow.. He changed me and I didn't even know it.. He is faithful."

Though this is only the beginning. I'm about to go through one of the biggest "growth spurts" of my life, and I can already feel the growing pains. Life as I know it is about change. Drastically. I can't even begin to anticipate all the things I'll be facing in the coming months. But one thing I know beyond a shadow is that "His mercy endures forever!" If the Lord has shown me anything recently it's that He gives us the grace to get through each moment as we approach it. I can't ask for any more than that.

He IS the God "Who remembered us in our lowly state, For His mercy endures forever; And rescued us from our enemies, For His mercy endures forever; Who gives food to all flesh, For His mercy endures forever; Oh give thanks to the God of Heaven, For His mercy endures forever!" Psalm 136

This is hysterical!

2008-05-10T16:18:00.000-05:00

Make Me a Captive Lord

2008-04-18T13:34:00.003-05:00

Make me a captive Lord and then I shall be free

Force me to render up my sword and I shall conqueror be

I sink in life's' alarm when by myself I stand

Imprison me within Thine arms and strong shall be my hand

My heart is weak and poor until it's master find

It has no spring of action sure, it trembles with the wind

It only stands unbent amid the clashing strife

When on Thy bosom it is bent and found in Thee it's life

(Hymn quoted by Ravenhill. He didn't mention the author)

"Like the railroad. While the train runs there it's captive to the rails, but it's free to go to speed."

~Leonard Ravenhill

I want to be captivated by Him! The whole bond slave idea - free, but bound... It's hard to comprehend. This never made sense to me until I heard the quote above.. like a train - bound to the rails, doomed to wreck otherwise, but completely free to go as fast and as straight as I possibly can. Knowing that when I am BOUND to Him I will never miss the mark, just as a train has no choice but to reach the station at the end of the line.

Modern American Christianity has taught us that "freedom" is a goal - something to achieve in the Christian life. Questions like "Have you claimed your freedom?", "Are you free from _____ yet??" are asked - as if it's a one time occurrence. It seemed to me for years like it was an unobtainable goal, reserved only for the most "elite" in Christianity. But it's not. Freedom is something we walk in - constantly. If you are a Christian you are free. Period. Free from sin and bound to Christ. It's one of those things that's almost unutterable. You can't really explain it. I have this picture in my head of what it's like but I can't bring words to it! Paul tries to describe it in Romans with words that have made my head spin for years! But it's like today a light went off and I really got it. Free... like a kite is free.. Soaring in the wind but still held by a tether and controlled by my Master. There is so much security in that.

I think I've always interpreted the word "freedom" in the bible according to the worlds standard of what "freedom" is. And there is no comparison between the two concepts! When I step back and look at these seemingly "little" things I'm amazed that I never saw it that way before when it's so simply explained in the word of God. I look at it and go, "Wow.. that's so elementary." And it shows me that I'm only just beginning to learn the elementary things. The basics. All the "pat answers" are flying out the window. Here is evidence yet again of the Lord changing the way that I think... So now that I see it, I must walk in it. Repentance must always produce action...

Rise Up and Walk - or Rebel

2008-04-01T23:25:00.006-05:00

It seems lately that every time I turn around I'm mentioning our GIFT girls on here. For those of you who read this that don't know (all 2 of you) GIFT is "Girls In Fellowship Together" - a group of 9-13 year old girls who we meet with every Tuesday night to discuss the things the Lord has put on our hearts, and, right now, to study the Doctrines of Christ with.

This week we began our study as we usually do - asking the girls what the Lord has shown them in the word, or what He's laid on their hearts that week. We're never dissapointed by their responses! It's always encouraging to hear the things that the Lord is doing in and through them. And they're hilarious. They never cease to challenge me to look at things from a different perspective. It's amazing. So tonight it was just myself and 3 of the girls in our local Starbucks. They sipped on decaf while I enjoyed my java chip. (Trust me, the sugar alone generated enough senseless giggling, forget caffeine!!) So after the girls shared, I decided to share with them what God's been speaking to me for the past couple of weeks. A bit ago he dropped the phrase into my heart, "Rise up, Take your bed, and go." I kept hearing it and seeing it in everything I read, telling me to take action, keep moving, keep pressing in. I never actually looked up the story where that phrase is found until this weekend though. It's where Jesus heals the paralytic (Luke 5:20-26);

When He saw their faith, He said to him, “Man, your sins are forgiven you.” And the scribes and the Pharisees began to reason, saying, “Who is this who speaks blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God alone?” But when Jesus perceived their thoughts, He answered and said to them, “Why are you reasoning in your hearts? Which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven you,’ or to say, ‘Rise up and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has power on earth to forgive sins”—He said to the man who was paralyzed, “I say to you, arise, take up your bed, and go to your house.” Immediately he rose up before them, took up what he had been lying on, and departed to his own house, glorifying God. And they were all amazed, and they glorified God and were filled with fear, saying, “We have seen strange things today!”

So perhaps this is obvious, but it looks like to me that the evidence of the man being forgiven was the fact that he got up and walked away! He didn't just sit there, or argue saying, "But I'm paralyzed. What do you mean walk??" He obeyed, and God received glory as a result! So I was discussing this with the girls and asking them what they thought would've been the consequences had the man just sat there... then one of them turned and looked at me and matter of factly said something that never occurred to me before, "He would've been in rebellion." I was stunned for a moment and wanted to say, "Wait a minute... repeat that??" It all became clear. Suddenly I put myself in that place. If I don't choose to walk in obedience to the simple things the Lord is telling me to do - then I walk in open rebellion. Now that I look at it, it seems so obvious. I want to kick myself and ask, "Why didn't I see that before??" But another part of me is delighted that God chose to use the mouth of a young girl and the simplicity of her perspective, to put me into my place. I am so thankful for those girls. God knew just what I needed when he brought each of them into my life! They are such a blessing!

So, will you take the challenge? Walk in the forgiveness that He's offered. DO something. Don't just sit there. Take action. Stir yourself up.... Or else, in the words of a girl... rebel...

He's Alive

2008-03-26T23:56:00.003-05:00

So, I had a whirlwind weekend in Dallas over Easter. Some of you might wonder, "She went out of town over Easter? Away from her family? On purpose?" The answer is yes. And there's a reason for that, other than the fact that my friends are just overly generous! A few weeks ago in our GIFT study we discussed the story where Jesus resurrected Lazarus.

Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again." Martha said to Him, "I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day." Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. "And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?" She said to Him, "Yes, Lord, I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God, who is to come into the world."

( I want to make it clear that this is not my original thought, but Bro Teryls - I just got a really clear understanding of it recently.) The point Bro Teryl makes in the study is that Jesus was trying to get Martha to understand that The Resurrection is not necessarily an event but a person. Jesus Christ - The resurrection and the life - inside of us, living His life through us walking in the Spirit, walking in newness of life. In light of this, I got to thinking... Easter really doesn't make sense. To celebrate The Resurrection once a year - not to mention all the pointless and ridiculous traditions that surround it - is absurd. We should celebrate The Resurrection inside of ourselves every day if we're truly walking as He has called us to walk. The holiday no longer holds any value to me whatsoever. It's just another day, which is why I didn't think twice about being out of town... Even the Passover, which is generally celebrated in conjunction with the Pagan "Easter", shouldn't be a once a year celebration. Jesus instructed His disciples to break the bread in remembrance of Him - each time you do these things, do them in remembrance of Him. We "break bread" together every week as a part of our "love feast"!

That being said, I had a great time in fellowship with the brothers and sisters up in Texas. Gina in Mabank started off the meeting by singing this song for us - unacompanied! It was gorgeous!!

The gates and doors were barred and all the windows fastened down; I spent
the night in sleeplessness and rose at every sound, Half in hopeless sorrow and
half in fear the day, Would find the soldiers breakin' thru to drag us all away

And just before the sunrise I heard something at the wall, The gate began
to rattle and a voice began to call; I hurried to the window and looked down
into the street, Expecting swords and torches and the sounds of soldier's feet

There was no one there but Mary so I went down to let her in; John stood
there beside me as she'd told us where she'd been. She said "They moved Him in
the night and none of us knows where; The stone's been rolled away and now His
body isn't there!"

We both ran t'ward the garden, then John ran on ahead; We found the stone
and empty tomb just the way that Mary said. But the winding sheet they wrapped
Him in was just an empty shell; And who or where they'd taken Him was more than
I could tell.

Well, something strange had happened there, but just what I didn't know;
John believed a miracle but I just turned to go. Circumstance and speculation
couldn't lift me very high 'Cause I'd seen them crucify Him, then I saw Him die.

Back inside the house again the guilt and anguish came; Everything I'd
promised Him just added to my shame. When at last it came to choices, I denied I
knew His name; And even if He was alive, it wouldn't be the same

But suddenly the air was filled with a strange and sweet perfume; Light
that came from everywhere drove shadows from the room. Jesus stood before me
with His arms held open wide; And I fell down on my knees, and just clung to Him
and cried.

He raised me to my feet and as I looked into His eyes, Love was shining
out from Him like sunlight in the skies, Guilt in my confusion disappeared in
sweet release, And every fear I'd ever had just melted into peace

CHORUS He's alive! He's alive, He's alive and I'm forgiven! Heaven's
gates are open wide: He's alive, He's alive, oh He's alive and I'm forgiven
Heaven's gates are open wide He's alive, He's alive, hallelujah He's alive

I found out later that this is actually a country song. All I could think about the entire time I listened was "Lord, Help my unbelief!!" Leonard Ravenhill says all the time that the resurrection morning must've been one of the most dissapointing days of Jesus life. How many times did He teach His disciples that He would be raised?? And He found them cowering in a little room above someones house in despair.. The thing that sticks out to me most right now about that situation is that the disciples didn't stay there. They didn't continue to hide in shame for what they'd done - they got out into the city and spread the word. They did something!!

Lord help my unbelief and show me what you want me to DO!

The Martyrs Prayer

2008-03-10T00:27:00.002-05:00

This is a good reminder I think. And just good to listen to if you haven't heard it before..

Disclaimer: I am not a supporter of GodTube, at all! I think that's just about the dumbest idea anyone's ever had.... but YouTube wouldn't let me post it and it was in 2 pieces on YouTube anyway.. So yeah..

I Miss Real Blogging... Still.

2008-03-09T23:01:00.002-05:00

I just spent the last 10 minutes looking over the past year or two of Laurens blog trying to find a quote she'd put up there from The Martyrs Prayer that is no longer there. At least I would swear it was her.. for some reason it's not there. Anyway.. It just made me ache. Somewhere deep inside me. A little pang remembering the innocence of youth.... Okay so maybe you all know I like to dramaticize things a bit too much. Haha.. It's just.. wow.. where are the days where we all actually had time for these things?? When did we get so busy that we just let it go? When did I get so careful that I couldn't even just stop by to pour out a few thoughts and ponderings for my friends to wonder with me on? Does that even make sense? When did I make this rule that everything I put on here has to be well thought out and planned and there has to be hours of contemplation and notes on it?? I've had this Keith Green song on my heart all week long.. did I put it on here? No. Why not? Why can't I just stop here for a few minutes?

You know what the problem really is though... I miss fellowship. And I'm not saying that Sunday morning's at Bob's isn't fellowship! This Sunday was GREAT! Time spent in communion with the Lord together is so refreshing. Those moments of content silence... everyone's bellies full on one of my favorite meals... It was wonderful! But I miss that spontaneous fellowship that we used to have all the time. Anywhere, anytime, whether on the phone, or across an invisible internet connection, or in the grocery store, or what-ever! I guess a big part of that is my fault. It's my responsibility to my brothers and sisters in the Lord to make that happen. I miss you guys. Amber, Holly, Jamie, even Lauren, Penny, Kandi, Nan, the Jacksons entire Home Church, Deanna to name a few... And I don't even think half of you read this but I want you to know that I'm thinking of you. And you still hold a very special place in my heart.... I don't know why I'm even writing this. I guess as a challenge to myself to MAKE it happen this week. To really sow some time and effort into rebuilding relationships that I've let fall to the wayside. To put aside my own agenda and really show my friends that I love them. We talked about it this morning.. laying down your life for your friend.. I don't think I get it. It's not just being willing to jump in front of a train for someone, but actually putting aside your own life and investing in theirs. I want to know the things that God is showing y'all. I want you to know what the Lord is doing in me!! I miss that constant witness of the spirit that builds my faith so much!!

So it's not really the blogging that I miss as much as the people - the involvement in each others lives. I'm resolving here and now to change that.

FYI this is the first post I'm making from me and Jordans new computer!!!

The Porcelain Heart

2008-02-14T17:15:00.001-06:00

Once upon a time, not so long ago, a man loved a little girl. He watched her grow up and knew her in every way. He loved her as His own and she loved Him in her youthful innocence. They spent many nights together talking, playing and laughing. One night like this He presented her with a gift He created for her. In wonder the little girl, who was becoming a young lady, lifted a perfect, beautiful porcelain heart out of the box. She marveled at its' beauty and treasured it close for a long time. Her Guardian offered to keep it safe for her on numerous occasions but she always laughed Him off, wanting to show the world the beauty of the heart He'd made her. As she grew older the time she spent with this man grew sparse. There were some days where things would be as they were when she was little, and in those moments He would plead with her to let Him guard the heart, warning her of its' fragility. But she held onto it, dismayed that He would try and take something so precious to her.

The two grew further apart and before she realized what was happening the little girl, now a young lady, was swept off of her feet by a handsome young man. He showered her with praises, exclaiming of her beauty. The young lady was sure that when she showed him her beautiful porcelain heart he would be awed as she was at this treasure. So she gave it to the young man in hopes of showing him how much she'd grown to love him. She trusted him to protect it for her. For a while he did. Then he grew a little careless. Over time it got some chips and cracks in it but wasn't completely ruined. The girl expressed her disappointment but the young man promised to be more careful and repair it, so she let him keep it. Weeks went by and the cracks in the heart only grew. Finally she made a decision. She had to get her heart back and leave. So, she timidly approached the young man who still held the heart loosely in his hand. When she reached for it he held it out to her saying, "Take it, I have no use for something so delicate. It's worthless to me." Once the heart was in her possession she turned and ran - hard, fast, and long. As soon as the young lady was far enough away from the handsome young man she fell to the ground and wept, for in all that happened the heart was shattered into bits and pieces. Her beautiful porcelain heart was destroyed. Only the skillful hand of the master craftsman could repair it.

She slowly turned in the direction of the home of her Guardian, knowing there was nowhere else for her to go. It was a long journey and she went over and over what she would do and say. The last thing she wanted to do was show Him the heart broken as it was. She could imagine the disappointment in His eyes. On her way back she tried many things to put it back together and some would work… for a while… and then it would break all over again. Still she continued on. Just when she got to the door of her Guardian's home she concealed the pieces of the heart in her clothing, deciding not to reveal its' brokenness. He opened the door and embraced her warmly with tears streaming down His face. The young lady sobbed brokenly, muttering apologies for not coming sooner. She was taken in, cleaned up, given new clothes to wear and her old room back. For many days she rested in her room, all the while wondering what to do with the broken heart. She and her Guardian went on daily walks where they talked about all manner of things, but He never asked her about it. He just waited. Many weeks went by, becoming months, and the girl couldn't bring herself to show Him the pieces of the once beautiful porcelain heart.

One evening they sat together watching the sunset in content silence. She sighed and leaned back soaking up the last bit of the suns warmth. As the final rays disappeared on the horizon He stood, looked at her, and said, "It’s time." Her heartbeat accelerated while she looked up at Him, knowing He was right. So, she got up and led the way to her room. There she opened a small chest that held the pieces of her heart and pulled out each one, laying them on the table like a scattered puzzle. They were there for what seemed like hours while she cried and told Him the story. He simply looked at her with compassion, carefully collected each piece, and without a word slipped out the door. That night she she slept soundly, relieved that she no longer had to protect the secret of her heart.

The heart was not mentioned, and the young lady knew without asking that He would take care of it. Months went by. Months that she spent learning under her guardian and talking with Him. During this time she grew and was nourished and healthy. There were occasions in which she wondered what became of the broken pieces but she never asked.

One morning as she was going about her daily chores and studies her Gaurdian came in and pulled her aside. With a radiant grin on His face He pulled a box from behind His back and held it out to her. Not believing what her eyes were telling her was true she stared, open-mouthed. In slow-motion she opened the box and uncovered… a porcelain heart. Not just any heart, her porcelain heart. It wasn't exactly the same as the one she had before, but more spectacular and beautiful. There were no cracks, no chips, just the purest porcelain. As silent, joyful tears slipped down her cheeks she reached into the box and tenderly pulled out the heart, admiring its' smooth texture. With careful movements the young lady knelt before this man and held the heart out to Him saying, "This heart can only ever belong to one person... it's maker. You alone are worthy of such a beautiful treasure. I love you Jesus."

The End

Jesus Loves the Little Children

2008-02-07T23:09:00.001-06:00

NOT for young readers!

**** If you're 13 and under I am strictly warning you not to watch this video without your parents permission. It has some graphic images of emaciated and wounded children.

Jesus Loves the Little Children

I would've posted the actual video to my blog but it wouldn't let me do it and emphasize the above warning as much as I wanted to. So view the video at your own discretion.

I heard about this video or one similar to it this weekend while reading this booklet on goodmeasure.org. What's ridiculous is that Christian Americans could completely eliminate this problem if they would only excercise a little bit of self-restraint. I encourage you all to visit that link and read the booklet. Regardless of whether or not you read it though, you'll be hearing from me on this issue quite a bit in the coming weeks.

If Jesus really does love the little children, and we're supposed to be as Christ on the earth.... what does our inaction say to the world?

Counted Among the Dimwits

2008-02-06T17:48:00.000-06:00

We've been reading in the book of Mark lately. One thing that I've noticed over and over is how often it notes that Jesus pulls his disciples aside to teach them privately - away from the crushing crowds. Often He began to teach them concerning His death and ressurrection. We're all familiar with the scripture - Mark 8:32-33

He spoke this word openly. Then Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him. But when He had turned around and looked at His disciples, He rebuked Peter saying, "Get behind Me, Satan! For you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men."

Jesus made a point of publicly rebuking Peter. He made sure all of the disciples heard it - I'm sure because they all were cheering Peter for saying the things they dared not. Peter, being the outspoken one of them, I can imagine was probably nominated for the job. And as usual Jesus knew their hearts better than they did. He accuses them of earthly mindedness. I can imagine that at this point Jesus was a little frustrated with these men. This wasn't the first time they'd exposed their earthly minds. Time and again Jesus rebuked them for not understanding the words He spoke in parables or for their lack of faith.

Think about it. These men forsook everything to follow Jesus. They'd performed miracles in His name and listened to His teachings day in and out. But it made no difference in changing their minds. Look at chapter 8: 15-18

Then He charged them saying, "Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod." And they reasoned among themselves saying, "It is because we have no bread." But Jesus, being aware of it, said to them, "Why do you reason because you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive nor understand? Is your heart still hardened? Having eyes do you not see? And having ears, do you not hear?

Here Jesus tells them they are blind and hard-hearted! If they had been heavenly minded I think they would have seen and understood Jesus meaning - that He was trying to warn them against religion and hypocrisy. Please feel free to correct me, but am I wrong in thinking that earthly mindedness is equivalent to blindness? If we are earthly minded we will not see or hear the things that the Lord is trying to show us. We will be utterly blind to His revelation. The disciples walked in the blindness until Jesus last days on this earth. How many times did He pull them aside to teach them about His death and ressurection?? And were they expectant of it? Not at all!! Some even doubted until they actually saw Him risen.

It made me wonder - how earthly minded am I? Which also makes me ask - am I blinded?? Blinded to the things that He is trying to reveal to me?? Blindness is a judgement on those who refuse to walk in the light! I do not want that judgement on myself! I want to walk in the clear light of His word - able to hear His voice and obey! I don't want to be counted among the dimwits who didn't understand... But I'm afraid that far too often I am.

A chapter later in the book of Mark Jesus approaches a group of people who are bickering with the disciples. They're trying to cast a demon out of a mans' son and they can't do it... Even here their lack of faith, their unbelief hinders them. So the boys father cries out to Jesus, with tears, "Lord I believe; help my unbelief!" That man had more wisdom and understanding than those who walked with Jesus on a daily basis! His son was healed, even out of his inadequate faith. Those disciples must've felt pretty stupid! But they were blind to their error...

God I pray that if I am blind to my own stupidity, rip off the blinders. I want to be mindful of the things of You, not the things of this world!! Change my thinking! Change my heart!!! Help my unbelief Father! May my soul cry out to you.... God I can't thank you enough for your everlasting patience, your mercy! That even though I have the Holy Spirit, I'm still stubborn and earthly minded. I cannot even begin to understand the fathoms of your grace, but I am so thankful for them.. Holy God do not cease your work in my heart and mind to conform them to yours...

A couple more..

2008-02-01T15:33:00.001-06:00

“This He will not endure.. To attempt to please Him with isolated acts of devotion when it is not the habit and state of our minds, is far more abominable than for a wife to attempt to please her husband with an occasional smile while she lives only to please and gain the affections of another man.”

- Charles G. Finney

“[Paul] gave the devil a headache all the Excedrin in the world couldn’t move. Why? Because he said, ‘None of these things move me’ Now get him straight, he didn’t say, ‘None of these things hurt me.’ Of course they hurt him! The more sensitive you are, the more deeply you’re wounded. But they didn’t move him!... The success of the Christian life isn’t profound theology and memorizing scripture, it’s ‘Keep looking unto the author and deliverer.’ “

- Leonard Ravenhill

We leave for Dallas this afternoon! See you after we get back!

Are we Devoted?

2008-01-30T16:56:00.000-06:00

"We're so subnormal, if we ever become normal, we'll think we're abnormal! God help us..."

- Leonard Ravenhill

"I have said since I was 12 years old that I will never, ever lower the standard. Even if it sends me to hell, I will not lower it!"

- Katherine Booth, daughter of William Booth, founder of The Salvation Army

"People invent doctrines 'cause they can't live up to the standard. They have wonderful doctrines that say, 'You can go to heaven, though you live a life of sin, and you don't have to be changed as long as you get "USDA Choice Christian" stamped on the front of your head when you say the sinners prayer!' "

- Keith Green

"It doesn't say any place in the bible that you should go out and witness - it says that you should be a witness, going into all nations and making disciples of men. Perverted Christianity today tries to make everything a deed, a little packaged thing. We have 'Instant Quaker Oats', instant tea, and now we've got 'Instant Christian' - just add prayer and stir! Everything's instant. We've got instant witnessing - you wear your Jesus t-shirt, bumper sticker, belt, you wear your Jesus underwear and use your Jesus toothpaste! It's crazy! A truly devoted person doesn't need paraphernalia to be a witness... He's got the Holy Spirit."

- Keith Green

"...Nothing short of this standard is devotion in you. Bear it in mind that no particular act, or zeal, or gushings of emotion, or resolutions to change, or promises of future obedience constitute devotion.

For devotion is that state of the will in which the mind is swallowed up in God and He is the object of it's supreme affection. In which we not only live and move in God but for God. In other words, devotion is the state of the mind in which the attentions are diverted from self and self seeking and directed towards God. The thoughts, purposes, desires, affections and emotions all hanging upon, and devoted to Him."

- Charles G. Finney

Press Toward the Goal

2008-01-25T13:58:00.000-06:00

This is a poem Len Ravenhill quoted. He didn't give the title or author.

My goal is God, Himself, not joy, not peace
Not even blessing, but Himself, my God
Tis His to lead me there, not mine, but His
At any cost Lord, by any road

So faith bounds forward to its' goal in God
And love can trust, O Lord, to lead her there
Upheld by Him my soul will follow hard
Til God has last fulfilled my deepest prayer

No matter if the way be sometimes dark
No matter if the cost be often great
He knoweth how I best shall reach the mark
The way that leads to Him must need be straight

One thing I know, I cannot say Him "nay"
One thing I do, I press toward my Lord
My God, my glory here from day to day
And in the glory there my great reward

I couldn't say it any better, and trust me, I've tried.

The Way of the Fire

2008-01-24T15:25:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year! I know that’s more than just a little late, but it’s relevant to what I want to talk about. If you’re a part of our local body then you’ve prob’ly heard it said many times that this is “The Year of New Beginnings” as well as “The Year of Proclamation”. And I can testify that both have already begun. I think there are new beginnings in my life because I’m being put in a place to proclaim. They’re intertwined, at least in my case.

I took the first step without fear

I didn’t see the danger of what His stream could do

And then I felt the undertow

Of all the things I asked for coming true

It’s the way of the fire

Just one step into the flame

It’s the way of the fire

He starts consuming everything

And it’s all gonna burn

I’m refined and strengthened by

The way of the fire

Now, in reference to the song quoted above. I can’t tell you for how long I’ve prayed for the Lord to burn up the things in me that do not glorify Him. It’s a constant cry of my heart, one that I hope will never cease. Again He has proven Himself faithful to a fault! He will always do what we’ve asked Him to. But I don’t think I really have to tell you that. The light is getting brighter and the fire is growing hotter and spreading in my life.

But instead of pulling away from the heat as I’ve done before I’ve stubbornly dug my heels in to do the work that needs doing. God is teaching me things I should’ve learned a long time ago. I’m learning to be silent when it’s hard. I’m learning how to bear things patiently, quietly. There is a joy that comes through pain and brokenness that is unlike any other! I’m seeing my heart change even though none of my circumstances are changing, which builds my faith! There isn’t always peace in my surroundings, but I have a peace within that no one can take away! I know that sounds like a long list of “Christian clichés”, but I mean it sincerely.

Jesus told the disciples at one point that He would send the comforter – who we know as the Holy Spirit. But Leonard Ravenhill points out that the word “comforter” there doesn’t mean a nursing mother for crying babes, but is translated, “with strength or power”. I thought that was really interesting considering that seems to be exactly what He’s giving to me – comfort in His strength. As many times as I’ve wanted to say, “I can’t handle this anymore!” in the past few weeks, I know that isn’t true. His grace never runs out. That’s something I’ve always known in my head, something I know I’ve told other people in their fiery trials, but never had to walk out in faith... until now.

So anyway, I just wanted to share with y’all what’s been going on in my life lately. I know this is just a vague summary and long overdue, but truth be told I never know quite what to say in the midst of these things!

And for those of you who want a sneak preview of what’s to come, God’s really been speaking to some of us about the true meaning of being a disciple, or discipline. So be expecting to hear from me on that soon!

Open Letter to the GIFT girls

2007-12-28T16:21:00.000-06:00

Hello there ladies!

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas! I think you should've gotten your Christmas card from Jordan and I? We did those silly faces just for y'all! First I want to apologize again for not having been available to meet with you all lately. As you know, things get a little crazy around this time of year with school semesters wrapping up and the holidays. The fact that the holidays have landed on Tuesdays, preventing us from meeting at the normal time, is especially distressing. I know I can speak for both Jordan and Lauren when I say that we have missed you immensely!!!

I also want to take this opportunity to tell you girls how proud I am of you. Just in the last few weeks, even without having our meeting, I can tell how the Lord has really started to grow y'all up. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about you. I'm so impressed with the word of God that is coming forth from y'all!! Thank you for taking up your part in the body of Christ (remember the body can't operate without the thumb! hehe). I wait anxiously until we can meet again to hear the things the Lord has been revealing to you all in the past weeks. Hopefully it will be soon!

Sadly, Jordan and I will be out of down during New Years so we won't see you all Monday night. But know that we hold you in hearts and love you dearly! Have a Happy New Year!!!

David Brainerd

2007-12-10T20:56:00.000-06:00

Every now and again I've picked up a book I ordered not long ago, "The Life and Diary of David Brainerd" - with comments from Jonathan Edwards. This man was a missionary to native Americans in the mid 18th century. To read more about who he was you can go here - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Brainerd . If you've listened to Leonard Ravenhill for any period of time you've heard him talk about David Brainerd and his life of prayer. It's amazing to read how with each day he grows closer to the Lord. He often states that he drew nearer in prayer or worship that day than ever before in his life. I want to share some excerpts of his writings with y'all.. This echoes the cry of my own heart.

Oh, that God would humble me deeply in the dust before Him! I deserve hell every day for not loving my Lord more, who has, I trust, loved me and given Himself for me. Every time I am enabled to excercise any grace renewedly, I am renewedly indebted to the God of all grace for special assistance. Where then is boasting? Surely it is excluded when we think how we are dependent on God for the being and every act of grace. Oh, if I ever get to heaven it will be because God wills, and nothing else; for I never did anything of myself but get away from God! My soul will be astonished at the unsearchable riches of divine grace when I arrive at the mansions, which the blessed Saviour is gone before to prepare. (I pray that God would grant us to tap into those unsearchable riches of divine grace, so that we may live in holiness unto Him!)
Oh my blessed God! Let me climb up near to Him, and love, and long, and plead, and wrestle, and stretch after Him, and for deliverance from the body of sin and death. Alas! my soul mourned to think I should ever lose sight of its Beloved again. "O come, Lord Jesus, amen."
... In the afternoon God was with me of a truth. Oh, it was blessed company indeed! God enabled me so to agonize in prayer that I was quite wet with perspiration, though in the shade and cool wind. My soul was drawn out very much for the world, for multitudes of souls... I enjoyed great sweetness in communion with my dear Saviour. I think I never in my life felt such an entire weanedness from this world and so much resigned to God in everything. O, that I may always live to and upon my blessed God! Amen, amen.

Ramblings

2007-12-08T03:24:00.001-06:00

It's 3:30 in the morning. I basically had the day off today. And I'm here now because I ate too many chocolate covered espresso beans tonight. But I just want to say - there are many things that God is stirring inside of me right now. Many things that He's just beginning to reveal, and I don't have a "conclusion" to any of it yet. He's challenging me, showing me new areas where there is yet more "religion" ingrained into my thinking, into my acting, into my praying. I'm left to cry out to Him desperately, Help my unbelief!!!

Connecting with friends has been a little difficult lately, understandably so. Everyone is going through hard things right now. Stressfull things. I'm praying for you all right now. I can't get away from praying for you. I was listening to "Silent Night" in Gaelic today and suddenly found myself unconciously singing prayers...

Let us not forget in our prayers to pray for "The Remnant". And there is one. What a blessing to find that "we aren't the only ones"....

I have some Christmas pictures to post soon, but presently God is changing the way that I think about Christmas, so perhaps I can write about that when I put up the pictures...

My Birthday

2007-11-27T00:19:00.000-06:00

My birthday was over 19 minutes ago, and I just wanted to say a thank you to all of you who made it so special. I feel very loved. Thank you so much!!

I have to publicly say that I have one of the most thoughtful, sweetest sisters IN THE WORLD! She spent hours on my gift to make it special for me (a recipe book with all of my favorite recipes in it and categorized appropriately). I LOVE YOU!

And to my Mommy and Poppie who bought me a scrumptious dinner. And my momma is making me my gorgeous apron, that I love already!

I'm so glad God gave me friends like y'all!

The Midnight Mischief Eggstravaganza

2007-11-24T12:33:00.000-06:00

It was a dark and stormy night... Three young adventurers were preparing for their next quest. The quest for the ultimate practical joke that will stamp itself on Thanksgiving memories for years to come. The smell of death loomed near in the form of a blonde wagging tail. But these adventursome girls were not going into the night unarmed. Their arsenal consisted of 6 perloined campaign signs, 1 large TurDanny banner, and 1,152 pastel plastic missles that were destined to make thier way to pines of Shady Allen Grove. They pressed past the fog of horrible scent to the safety of the vehicle and departed.

The roads were slick as they drove through the mist to their dark destination. The time was well past midnight and all in the house was still. As silently as they could the girls retrieved their supplies and began the attack. They charged headlong into their task by forming a line of missles across the middle of the yard. From there they began to scatter them further and further, encroaching on the very edge of enemy lines. In the beginning it didn't look as though they had enough ammunition to make much of an effect, but as they persevered they discovered that there was indeed sufficient supply!

Before they knew it their mission was complete. The three young adventurers smiled slyly and crept away just as their presence was alerted by the fierce night watchmen who was caged nearby. Yet another successful endeavor that will go down in the records of prank history as "The Day the Turkey Came".

(See Jordan and Hollys' blogs for further pictures)

Giving Thanks

2007-11-21T09:24:00.000-06:00

Every year around this time my extended family typically gathers for a family reunion, whether small or large. Some years we had to rent out an 8 bedroom cabin to fit everyone (and people still slept on couches and in campers), and some years it's just a matter of someone giving up a bed to fit the one family who's visiting. Sadly this year everyone will be sleeping in their own bed at their own homes. So instead of being surrounded by family members we will be surrounded by the memories of holidays gone by.

My mother has graciously relinquished her position as head cook this year with the understanding that none of her recipes be altered. As much as I like to "tweak" things I couldn't dream of altering a Thanksgiving recipe. It wouldn't be the same without those familiar flavors. Tradition has become one of the most comforting things to me about the holidays. Those of you who know Poppie can easily see him praying a sermon over the meal every year. If he didn't do it I think I'd feel like it wasn't Thanksgiving.

This year we'll be celebrating the Harvest with a couple of ladies from our home church and a Nigerian student from LSU. Our house definitely will not be void of love and laughter. Though I can't help but miss all those who are not with us this season, some more than others. My eyes filled with tears this morning while listening to one of those "Home for the Holidays" songs. It's a beautiful, idealistic but unrealistic thought. I comfort myself as Paul did when he said that he was present with the churches in spirit, though not in body. Those parts of our body who are apart from us will not leave our hearts and minds during this time. Every time we remember them we will give abundant thanks, just as Paul did for each of the churches. They most certainly will not be forgotten.

I love you all! Don't forget to stop for just a moment to thank God most importantly for His mercy in saving you! Happy Thanksgiving!

First Frost

2007-11-16T10:38:00.001-06:00

I am aware that I have not posted anything of substance lately, and for this I do apologize. I haven't felt particularly inspired, but I promise I will - soon! The Shooks gave me a CD with some awesome scripture centered songs on it and I'm going to post about it soon. (Hmmm.. I like this font much better 2 sizes smaller.)

If you are fortunate enough to live in semi-rural South Louisiana then you know we experienced our first real, true frost of the "winter" this morning. The kind that coats my car in a thin layer of ice. As usual, I dumped half a glass of tap water on my front and back windshields this morning to melt it but found it made it worse! My back defroster was working quite nicely until I doused it. The added water only created a thicker layer of ice that the defroster struggled to melt.

But despite my lack of rear vision I thoroughly enjoyed my drive out of the country this morning. As I drove onto Blackwater Road the sun was just peeking over the trees turning open land into a world of sparkling white. It's the closest thing to snow that we get here, without all the hassle of shoveling. You could tell no one was prepared for the frigid temperatures this morning just by looking at the rooflines. Every roof was entirely covered in frost. When the interior is heated the roofs are framed by an edge of white. We have yet to light our heater yet and probably won't for another month, if I know my father. The house will be warmed with humidity - a large pot of water left to boil gently through the night. I plan on adding different fragrant oils to it this year to give the house a more festive scent.

I almost can't wait until artificial scent is no longer necessary due to the fresh pine filling the living room. I can hardly believe that in only a weeks time Christmas will be out in full swing! But first I get to savor the traditions of Thanksgiving and the memories that surround it. Sadly this year, memories will be all that's surrounding us as none of our family will be visiting this year. I'll be posting more on that as the day approaches.

MMmmmmmm... The holidays put me in the best mood.
(I plan to add a photo to this when I get home this afternoon. Somebody remind me to if I forget.)

Is That Really Necessary?

2007-10-24T14:17:00.001-05:00

<rant start>
Jordan and I just had lunch downtown at Serops. We were in kinda a rush so much of our mealtime was spent silently chewing. A table or two away sat a chick in her early twenties leading a conversation with two other guys. As we ate I couldn't help but overhear parts of their conversation because she kept getting louder and louder! They went from religion, to politics, and finally ended with football, at which time she loudly expressed her disgust with the sport and the guys resigned themselves to disagree with her without even trying to counter-act her argument. And it was her argument.

Why do I note this you ask? There are a number of reasons. 1) I see in her everything about me that annoys me, 2) Americans are dumb, 3) It's completely unbiblical. I do not like people who are controversial just for the sake of being controversial. Like this world doesn't already have enough drama in it, they have to add more! It particularly annoys me with girls. Am I the only one who thinks that women don't always have to be right? It's like a culturally accepted thing in America that the woman is always right, and the man has no opinion. They just resign themselves. You see it all over television on almost every sitcom, and even in "Christian" comedy.

I've said this before, but I don't think this is what the suffragettes intended to happen when they rallied for womens rights. The feminists took over, and this is what they would call "progress". Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad that women aren't suppressed and mistreated in America like they are in some other countries, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this blog post right now. But I'm just frustrated with how far spread feminism is. As a result of feminist progress "submission" is a dirty word. Many "Christian" women may vow to honor and submit on their wedding day, but how many of them actually live that out or even want to? How often do "Christian" guys just trade their pants in for her skirt almost as soon as they slip that ring on? Anything to keep the little wife happy. UGH! I hate that. "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" That phrase completely contradicts what the word of God teaches about the family.

In view of all that I am so thankful that we have models of what biblical families and relationships should look like among us! The world is going to act like the world and there's nothing I can do about that. All I can do is change the way that I think, change the way that I act and learn to submit quietly and happily under the authorities that God has placed over me now. And IF someday (And that's an "IF" the size of Alaska!) God would have me marry the concept hopefully wouldn't be so foreign to me.

So yeah.. I'm officially anti-feminist.
</rant end>

His Plan for Me

2007-09-06T17:33:00.000-05:00

When I stand at the judgment seat of Christ
And He shows His plan for me
The plan of my life as it might have been
Had He had His way, and I see
How I blocked Him here, and I checked Him there
And I would not yield my will
Would there be grief in my Saviors eyes
Greif, though He loves me still

Would He have me rich, and I stand there poor
Stripped of all but His grace
While memory runs like a hunted thing
Down the paths I cannot retrace
Lord, of the years that are left to me
I give them to thy hand
Take me, and break me, and mold me
To the pattern which thou has planned
- unknown author, Quoted by Ravenhill

I've spent the past couple of weeks reflecting on my short life to a certain degree. As I look back and see the decisions I've made I can see where, just as the poem says, I've failed to yield my will, convincing myself that it's His. I can see where I've really messed things up because of my stubbornness. I've told myself, "Well I want to do the 'Lords work' so this must be in His will!". I'm finding out quickly that isn't always the case. I didn't truly wait on Him. I listened to Godly counsel, and then didn't always follow it. For those of you reading this who have imparted that counsel to me, I apologize. Please understand that I don't say these things in self-pity, but in regret for the things I've done that may have gotten in the way of good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. I understand there's nothing I can do about it now, and because of that fact, I press forward in Him to redeem the time lost.

As Christ leads me onward I'm finding myself having to give up dreams and ambitions I never thought I'd have to let go of. I always thought that my life was "set". I've always known what I was going to do, and I've made it a matter of public knowledge. But He wants all of me, every part, without reservation. I've realized I can no longer justify "holding on". I'm not sure what hymn this quote is from, but it's been floating around in my head for weeks now,

"When Gods fire upon the altar of my heart was set aflame, my ambitions, plans,
and wishes at my feet in ashes lay."

For me, that is every wish, not just the worldly ones. Every dream, not only the fleshly ones. Every ambition that I once held on to saying, "But this one's for Your glory!". Everything must be laid on the altar if my prayer is going to be truly sincere - that I want only His best. I want only His plans, and only His will for every single part of this life that is now His. There can be no part of me in it. The phrase, "I am not my own" is becoming more real than ever it was before. Anyone who's been through this knows that it's not an easy process. But there is such joy in it! Every day I see small evidences of His working in my heart and mind, changing the very fabric of who I am. It builds my faith. Tears come quickly these days as He's breaking me... What a blessing it is! In the sacrifice of dreams and plans I've found a peace that truly is beyond my understanding. There were moments of wavering, wondering, wishing on tomorrow, but He only tells us to pray "this day" for our daily bread. He truly provides all that we need from day to day and even hour upon hour.

I haven't a clue what the future holds for me. And I can truthfully say, with a peaceful heart that I really don't care right now. The only thing I want is to be fully in His will, whatever the cost may be. I want His plan for me.

100th Post

2007-09-03T18:02:00.000-05:00

It seems appropriate to me that on this memorable day I should make some sort of statement, or take this moment to reflect a little bit...

First off, apparently there are a few people reading my blog who I don't know. I know this is the Internet, and I guess it shouldn't surprise me, but I have to admit it's a little freakish to suddenly be getting comments from total strangers, when the people I know don't even comment on my blog anymore. And it really got me thinking last night - Why do I blog?

At first it was because it was a good way to keep in touch with my friends, to know what was going on in their lives, etc. Visiting "blog world" was like participating in a big conversation where everyone talked about the things God was doing individually and corporately through the body of Christ, and it all tied together somehow. The Holy Spirit was speaking the same thing all across the board and we could come here and converse about it through comments and posts. It was really neat. I don't know when or how, but that changed. And that kinda makes me sad. What happened to that? Really guys, I want an answer.

Then it was like for a season there the blogs just "died". Did anyone else notice that? There was (and still are) those who just stopped blogging all that often. Why? What happened? The Lord didn't stop speaking, did He? Really, I want to know. There must be a reason, because the change of subject on the blogs has been a little drastic from what it used to be. And that's not bad. It just makes me curious as to why..

I look back on some of my old posts and the first word that comes to my mind is "Carnal". That scares me. So that brings me to now. Why am I blogging now? What is this blog for? I've spent some time thinking about it. I made a choice a little over a month ago that I didn't want to post "stuff" anymore. If I'm going to say something here I want it to be of substance. And I think I've held to that commitment.. but to what end? For what purpose? I don't want to give the impression that I'm blogging to gain a response, because I'm not. I don't post the things I do to get an accolade from anyone. I just want to share my heart. Sure, this is a creative outlet at times. But what about the rest of it? I'm pouring out my heart here guys.. And it just puzzles me that strangers have more to say about it than people I know and love. To be totally honest, I've struggled with this. I hesitate to bring the things I put on here to home church because if there is little to no response here, it makes me wonder what will happen when I speak these things publicly? It's a little discouraging. I really don't know what to do y'all. I'm going to be praying about whether or not I should keep this thing going. Because I want everything I do to bear fruit...

And just so you know, the questions in this post aren't rhetorical.

(G.I.F.T. girls, y'all can ignore this. Love y'all and don't forget to study Daniel 2!!)

Holiness Quotes

2007-09-01T23:44:00.000-05:00

I found these on another blog, and I hope they don't mind that I "stole" them. Hey people, it's the internet.. if you put it up, expect somebody to playgerize it, right? Haha..

Saying yes to God means saying no to things that offend his holiness.

A. Morgan Derham

The destined end of man is not happiness, nor health, but holiness. God’s one aim is the production of saints. He is not an eternal blessing machine for men; he did not come to save men out of pity; he came to save men because he had created them to be holy.

Oswald Chambers

A holy life will produce the deepest impression. Lighthouses blow no horns; they only shine.

Dwight Lyman Moody

The greatest miracle that God can do today is to take an unholy man out of an unholy world, and make that man holy and put him back into that unholy world and keep him holy in it.

Leonard Ravenhill

The holiest person is . . . one who is most conscious of what sin is.

Oswald Chambers

The holy man is not one who cannot sin. A holy man is one who will not sin.

A. W. Tozer

The true Christian ideal is not to be happy but to be holy.

A. W. Tozer

The holier a man is, the less he is understood by men of the world.

Cardinal John Henry Newman

Thanks to http://testingthespirits1john4.blogspot.com/ for the quotes.

The Cry of Desperation

2007-08-28T15:50:00.001-05:00

I just read in our bible reading about the blind man who cried out in the streets that Jesus have mercy on him. I see the scene in my head and it goes something like this...

The scent of sweat was heavy that day as I sat on the edge of the road near Jericho, holding out my bowl for alms. There weren't many people on the streets that morning and I didn't know if I was going to have enough money at the end of the day to buy the flatbread for my evening meal - my only meal. In the distance I could hear a commotion coming towards me slowly. Before long great multitudes of people began to pass by pressing me to stand and pushing me further and further off the road. Confused, I asked why there was such a crowd and someone told me, "The Master, Jesus of Nazareth, is passing by Jericho!" The Master - Jesus? Could this be the great Rabbi that I'd heard so much about? My cousin told me of how He recently healed ten lepers in a village of Galilee. There was rumor that He was the Messiah, the one we'd waited for. I'd heard that He healed the blind before - perhaps He would heal me? But how would He even see me? There were many people here, I heard voices all around me.. How could I get His attention? How do I even know where He is? The craziest thought came to me, so before I could stop myself I lifted up my voice and began to cry out, "JESUS! Son of David! Have mercy on me! Jesus! Have mercy on me!" I felt heat rush up my face in embarrassment as I struggled to make myself heard over the crowd of voices. The people closest to me grew quiet and I could feel their judgmental stares. I pushed aside my shame and continued to cry, "Have mercy on me Jesus! JESUS!" Someone nudged me roughly and said "Be quiet man - don't disturb the master with your yelling!" Even still, as the crowd continued to move past me I lifted my voice louder, straining to make myself heard. I couldn't stop now - there was hope! Hope that I would see the Son of God! Desperation grew in me I cried out with an urgency, "Son of David, Have mercy on me! Jesus!! Have mercy on me!!" I felt I would die if I did not see Him!

I soon realized that the constant shove toward the city had ceased. So I paused to see if I could hear why they'd stopped. A voice in the distance gave an authoritative command but I couldn't quite hear what was said. People around me started murmuring and whispering - there was a change in the tone of the crowd. I heard a woman ask, "What is the master going to say to him?" Him? Who did she mean? Someone nearby muttered in frustration, "The whole crowd is stopping because that blind fool couldn't keep his mouth shut!" I don't think he cared that I heard him, but at that moment I didn't care either! Jesus had heard me! Suddenly a man was speaking to me, "The Master would like to see you. I will lead you to Him." The man took my arm and began to lead me through the crowd to the place where Jesus stood. I stumbled along slowly, my heart pounding in my chest. I was coming face to face with the Son of David!

The multitude had grown quiet, waiting to see what reaction Jesus would have to my disruptive cries. You did not need to tell me the moment I stood before Him. His very presence was one of peace and authority. I awaited His words - a rebuke, a blessing; I would take anything! He simply asked me, "What do you want Me to do for you?" My mind raced while my soul rejoiced - I was standing before the Son of God! I couldn't help the conflicting emotions of joy and desperation. My request came through a sob, "Lord, that I may receive my sight." And I will never forget His next words, "Receive your sight; your faith has made you well." Immediately my eyes were opened and I saw - the light was almost as blinding as the darkness! But the first thing my eyes rested upon was Him, Jesus, the son of God, before me! What a marvelous thing for my eyes to see Him first after being blinded for so long! And from that moment on I knew that I would follow Him...

As I pictured this story in my mind I couldn't help but be overcome with emotion. This man pushed past everything that made sense to make himself heard. He cried out against everything the world said not to do to get through to Jesus. And Jesus heard him!! And I realized that this is a common theme in the gospels. Jesus takes note of those who press through the crowd to get to him. He heeds them in their desperation! I can think of at least 4 or 5 stories where this is evident - the woman with the issue of blood, the paralytic man who was dropped through the ceiling, Zaccheus, the Centurion soldier, Jairus with his sick daughter... These people were desperate to see Jesus, to touch Him, to make a request of Him - to the point that nothing else mattered and they'd do anything they had to to get to Him! And I wonder... Where is that desperation in me?!?! It comes from a deep brokenness. And I want it. I want it more than anything.

One of Leonard Ravenhills most common sayings is "God doesn't answer prayer, he answers desperate prayer!!" (Are y'all tired of me quoting Him yet? I've listened to the same 20 sermons over and over so I've practically memorized them.) And when I first heard that I wasn't sure if I agreed with him. But now I do. It's consistent with the way that Jesus worked on this earth - Jesus responded most positively to those who were desperate for Him! I want to be broken so that out of that brokenness I can cry out in desperation for Him! In desperation not letting anything anyone says hinder me! In desperation lifting my voice above the noise and chaos of this world to be heard by Him! In desperation pushing aside my pride, not caring how foolish I look! In desperation laying aside every care for anything else buy Him to cry out!

God make me broken and desperate for you..

A Hundred Years From Now

2007-08-28T10:08:00.001-05:00

It will not make much difference friend
A hundred years from now
If you live in a stately mansion
Or a floating river scow

If the clothes you wear are tailor made
Or just pieced together somehow
If you eat big steaks or beans and cake
A hundred years from now

Won't matter what your bank account
Or the make of car you drive
For the grave will claim all your riches and fame
And the things for which you strive

There's a deadline that we all must meet
No one will show up late
It won't matter all the places you've been
Each one will keep that date

We will only have in eternity what we gave away on earth
When we go to the grave we can only save the things of eternal worth
What matters friend the earthly gain for which some men will bow
For your destiny will be sealed you see a hundred years from now

~ Warren Parker (Quoted by Len. Ravenhill)

Finally!!

2007-08-27T16:40:00.000-05:00

You're not going to believe this. Alright. Anyone who has logged into my blogger or seen me log in for the past few months knows that when you go to "My dashboard" it says I have a comment. But when you click on it to view the comment - it says "No unmoderated comments".. and it wouldn't go away!!! Well, miracle of miracles, today, I went to click on it. And lo-and-behold there is a comment there! From Holly - made over 6 months ago - in February, about that Nick Cannon "Can I Live?" post. I don't know what made it do that, and I don't have a clue what made it go away! I'm just very happy that it's finally gone!!

This is my 96th post by the way.

I have something much more meaningful to post later, but it may not make it on here 'til later on in the week. I'm going to work on it for a while before I post it.

It's about to storm here. So I'm going to go clean the house while I watch the rain in the few minutes of solitude I have before everyone gets home. Have a nice night everyone!

Much More is Required than I Realized

2007-08-23T15:27:00.001-05:00

How many times have we heard the phrase "To whom much is given, much is required."?? It's often quoted among our circle of friends. Countless times that phrase has challenged me to step up to the plate and share what the Lord has given to me. But I read it for the first time in context today. I've probably read it many times before, but today, the Word became Life - at least I pray it does.

"But if that servant says in his heart 'My master is delaying His coming,'... The master of that servant will come on a day when he is not looking for him, and at an hour when he is not aware, and will cut him in two and appoint him his portion with the unbelievers. And that servant who knew his masters will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few. For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more."

(Luke 12:45-48)

Wow. The servant who knows His masters will, and did not do will not only be beaten with many stripes, but it says there will be cut in two and be appointed a portion with the unbelievers. That's some pretty serious judgment. This is further evidence that He truly will judge us by what we don't do. I really don't have an excuse! There are enough bible's in America for every person to own three. The average American Christian has at least 4 of them in various translations. We have the truth! All we have to do is open the word to just about any part and we see Him calling us upward to live in holiness, righteousness, steadfastness and faithfulness. That's all He's wanted from the very beginning! We read in Hosea a while back, "I will betroth her to Me forever, Yes I will betroth you to Me in righteousness, and justice, in loving-kindness and mercy, I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord." (Hosea 2:19-20) His desire for His bride hasn't changed one bit! He'll do whatever it takes to have a pure people and a pure church who will do His will and not in any way their own! He wants faithfulness.. And I sit there on Sunday mornings and talk about it and sing about it and read about it over and over and over again! He shouldn't have to say it more than once! We're heaping judgment on ourselves if we know the truth and don't do it! Len Ravenhill said this:

"Why should I preach to you? God knows I'm adding condemnation to you tonight. You can't handle the truth you've already got - some of you have had it for 5 or 10 years and can't handle it! Why should I bring you more truth, Why should I bring you the challenge to have a spirit filled life? Out of your inmost being - where He is present - should flow rivers of living water, not trickles! RIVERS of living water! Rivers of compassion that will melt your eyes to tears, rivers of love that will make you go to the most perverted and crooked people."

Y'all, it's breaking my heart!!! Here I am, I have the truth - I've even boasted about it - It's staring me in the face. I have so much more than the early church ever thought about having - all of the epistles, the law and instructions of God in one complete volume! So much more has been given than I ever dreamed I had! I always used to think when I heard that phrase "Well, God hasn't really given me that much yet, I'm not worthy of very much, and I haven't been very faithful with the little that I have.." NO WAY! That was a cop-out because I didn't want to be responsible for all that was required of me! My God, repeal the judgment that I've brought on myself from my laziness! Break me on the rock that I may not be crushed! I want to obey you!

We read something in Luke 13 yesterday that struck me. Verses 23-24, "Then one said to Him (Jesus), 'Lord are there few who are saved?' And He said to them, 'Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I say to you will seek to enter and will not be able." It says strive to enter the narrow gate. Strive is defined: to try hard to get or achieve something; to fight in opposition to something (our flesh!); to compete resolutely against somebody or something. So we are to fight in opposition to our flesh to be able to enter through the narrow gate. It will really cost us something, just as the bible says it will! It also says in that verse that many will seek to enter and will not be able. It's not enough to just want to. It's not enough to say "I'm seeking". I must actually do it. I must actually obey the truth that I've heard for so long! The call has gone out to prepare yourself - for His coming, for the judgment. The call has gone out to those who know His will to do it. He isn't worthy of anything less! But much more than that, He won't accept anything less... He has been merciful this far, but how long will He remain so? How long before He refuses to let us enter in because we didn't persevere to enter through the narrow way?

Let the cry go out for mercy and strength to OBEY!

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

2007-08-17T14:19:00.000-05:00

This is a quote from "Revolution in World Missions" By K.P. Yohannan -
"Ct Studd, the famous British athlete and founder of Worldwide Evangelization Crusade, was one who gave up all his achievements in this life for Christ's sake. He was challenged to his commitment by an article written by an atheist. That article, in part, said:

If I firmly believed, as millions say they do, that the knowledge and practice of religion in this life influences destiny in another, then religion would mean to me everything. I would cast away earthly enjoyments as dross, earthly cares as follies, and earthly thoughts and feelings as vanity. Religion would be my first waking thought and my last image before sleep sank me into unconsciousness. I should labor in its cause alone. I would take thought for the morrow of eternity alone. I would esteem one soul gained for heaven worth a life of suffering. Earthly consequences would never stay my hand or seal my lips. Earth, it's joys and it's grief's, would occupy no moment of my thoughts. I would strive to look upon eternity alone, and on the immortal souls around me, soon to be everlastingly happy or everlastingly miserable. I would go forth to the world and preach to it in season and out of season, and my text would be: "What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his own soul?"

I can see there that an atheist has a much better understanding of what it means to be heavenly minded than I do - than most "Christian" Americans do.

Smell the Smoke?

2007-08-12T03:38:00.000-05:00

Jordan and I just had a very interesting experience. No your eyes aren't playing tricks on you, yes I am writing this at roughly 4 o clock in the morning. We we driving home from Laurens, down Greenwell Springs Rd and as we got on the road Jordan turns and says to me "Can we roll down the windows Bekah?" I balked about my hair getting frizzy but she argued that it was too late, so we rolled them down... a little ways down the road we suddenly come upon what I thought was a patch of fog, but realized after about a hundred feet that it was a thick cloud of pungent smoke! At 3 in the morning we thought it very odd for someone to be burning trash. So we decided to go back and make sure that nothing was on fire that shouldn't be. We rolled down the windows again to assure we wouldn't miss it and were very relieved to find that it was a smoldering trash pile, and not someones house! We were talking as we drove away and I made the comment "I was just worried that someone would be sleeping through thier house burning!!"

It got qiuet for a few moments.. and in those moments I heard God speak, "You were concerned that those people were burning in their beds and were prepared to wake up strangers to ensure their safety, but what do you do for the lost and dying all around you who will burn in hell eternally??" I began sharing this with Jordan and as I talked it was just like... My gosh!!!! Very literally thoughts were going through my head of "What would I do if those people's house had been on fire? " I would've gone and banged on every window or door I could find to wake them up and ensure they were safe! Or I would've called someone who had the neccessary equipment to lead them to safety! But I wouldn't have passed by and let them burn, not caring what happened!! But every day I come in contact with people - even people I love - who the bible says, are condemned already. If they don't believe, according to John 3 they are already condemned! Where is the urgency to wake them up?!!!?!!?!! I pass on by without a care in the world thinking "Well, I'll offend them if I wake them up. Or it'll be inconvient for me or them, or they won't like being woken up right now... etc." I would never even think twice about stuff like that if their actual house was on fire! But Jesus said their soul is worth so much more! Why on earth do I delay in waking up those who are burning?!?!

It got quiet again as Jordan and I pondered on the things the Lord was speaking to our hearts... And I realized that though we were miles down the road the smoke was still burning my nose and throat. We should come away from every burning soul with the smell of smoke burning in us to pray! Pray in desperation that their eyes will be opened and they will be rescued from eternal fire! We must let the it burn it us as a reminder to intercede and stand on the line for their souls, just as we might for someone whos house is on fire. It says in the word to be eternally minded. Part of which means that you look at every person through the eyes of eternity - their either headed for eternal heaven, or eternal hell. And we should care. We are to be the salt and light of this earth, but of what worth is the salt if it loses it's savor??

We MUST seek His face!

2007-08-09T17:31:00.000-05:00

Stirrings

2007-08-09T12:54:00.001-05:00

More quotes and stuff:

"Because there isn't enough joy in the house of God we need entertainment! And entertainment is the devils substitute for joy!!"

I've found this rings so true. It was hard for me to swallow the first time I heard it, but I'm telling you guys.. Since I've been in prayer it's like every time I sit down to watch TV the joy is zapped!!

"Do you get so near to the heart of God that you share His grief over the world and the backslidden church that we have today? Can He share His sorrow with you? Or do you only want His joy?"

"Paul said that he prayed night and day... Praying what? Praying for the church, not the lost! Not that the Roman empire would collapse or Caesar would die, or any other thing, but for the church!"

"Paul says the world is a system of corruption and rottenness and vileness - it's anti-Christ from the word go! Is the world crucified to you tonight? Or does it fascinate you? Jesus isn't looking for some sissies to serve Him, He's looking for some men with guts, and men with grace, and men with determination! You still comfortable to sit in a ball park and hear somebody take the name of Jesus in vain...?"

"Paul says 'I bear my brands of Jesus.' - These hands will never do anything Jesus wouldn't do. These feet will never walk where Jesus would be uncomfortable. This mind will never think of anything that doesn't satisfy the heart of God..."

Think on that the next time you turn on the TV or something like that. Where would Jesus be uncomfortable? Would you have found Him in the Roman coliseum cheering on the gladiators and the lions, enjoying the blood, guts, and gore? Or would that disgust Him? How is our modern entertainment any different?

"An experience of God that costs nothing, does nothing, and it's worth nothing."

Lauren inspired me..

2007-07-30T09:48:00.000-05:00

I have stacks of scribbled notes everywhere and these are some of the ones I've taped into my journal. They're from Leonard Ravenhill of course...

"Men were never crucified in dozens. One at a time. He'll ask you to do things He asks no on else to do. Pay a price no one else has got to pay."

"Greed in Christian circles today is called prosperity, but it's still greed anyhow."

"We see all these men - Mussolini, wicked fascists, Hitler, Stalin - 4 or 5 men - and we think if we get rid of them we'll clean the world up... The devil isn't short of captains for his army. They're not short of funds. They not short of courage to do the most wicked violent things in the face of the world!!.... So why in Gods name are we so timid?.... Oh Dear...."

"Christianity has not been weighed in the balance and found wanting. Christianity has been tried, found difficult, and rejected! It's not only too difficult for the world - it's too difficult for the church!"

"We should get to the place where God Almighty gives us groanings that cannot be uttered. And that's 100 million miles past praying in tongues! It's an inner grief, it's something that has no language!"

"We will go through trials... Jesus told Peter that he foresaw Satan giving him a time and His response was to pray for him that his faith fail not. He could've told the devil to get off, but rather He prayed that Peters faith not fail!"

I'll post more later.

A Tormented Soul?

2007-07-24T15:53:00.001-05:00

I'm reading 2nd Peter 2 right now for our GIFT study. It's talking about false prophets and deceptions, and the punishment that will come upon those who follow them. Look at this scripture:

" And turning the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah into ashes, condemned them to destruction making them an example to those who afterward would live ungodly; and delivered righteous Lot, who was oppressed by the filthy conduct of the wicked (for that righteous man, dwelling among them, tormented his righteous soul from day to day by seeing and hearing their wicked deeds). "

And I thought about that. Lot - who doesn't seem all that righteous to me (hey the guy offered his virgin daughters to a bunch of lunatics) - was tormented by their wicked deeds - Every day! And it's been said that we're in the end times that will grow worse than Sodom and Gomorrah ever dreamed. How many Christians do you know that are tormented in soul day by day over the wickedness of the world they're in? We've just gotten used to it.. The world "tolerance" is thrown around in every "Christian" circle these days. I love the part of Jordans ringtone that says "Have we no righteousness that reflects on their corruption??". I have to honestly ask myself that. I'm not tormented by the worlds wickedness, I'm entertained by it. I recall this scripture in Romans 1: 28-32..

"And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but approve of those who practice them."

Please correct me if you think I'm wrong in interpretation of that to say that one is deserving of death if one even approves of those who openly practice such things?? That's rough!! When I think about it, it's not like I'm walking around giving my public approval of those things. But I observe them behind closed doors or in dark movie theatres as though it's nothing. I'm not offended at sin - I'm entertained by it!!!! Even if I'm not participating in the sin itself I'm tantalizing my flesh with it. I've given my stamp of approval whether I realized it or not. Here I am crying out to God, seeking Him, wanting to know His will, wanting to see with His eyes, hear with His ears, and be His hands and feet.. But He can't use anything that is defiled by sin. God is not sitting in heaven being entertained by the murder taking place on the back ally of a dark street. He doesn't think it's dramatic or emotionally moving to see an unwed mother bring forth a child. But I do. Sin has become so rampant that we don't even bat an eyelash at it anymore. We don't flinch at slander, no one knows how to blush anymore. No wonder the church is so corrupted!! When I started being entertained by sin on movies and in TV shows I started excusing it in my life. I became numb to it. He's having to beat me over the head to wake me up now!

Leonard Ravenhill said this "The good is the enemy of the best. Satan won't tempt you to get drunk. He won't tempt you to commit adultery. He'll tempt you to go to the store up the road and listen to some Christian records for a while when you should be making intercession. It's the good that's the enemy of the best in this Christian Life." I'm not saying that every form of entertainment is sinful or "bad". But it's what we substitute it for that hurts us. Jesus had to spend hours in prayer to survive here. They said he would get alone to pray, as was His custom. He did it often. What makes me think that I'm such a "super Christian" that I don't need to do the same?

God, I have to repent!! It's now obvious to me that He hasn't changed the way that I think about sin. If He had then the very thought of sitting down to watch someone murdered, or slandered would disgust me. If I really thought about sin the way that He does then I wouldn't dream of being entertained by it. Lot tormented his soul over seeing and hearing the wickedness of Sodom and Gomorrah, and I see now that he was a lot better off than I am! Even now it's beginning to break my heart.. I want the attitude of Christ Jesus! I want the mind of Christ! I want to desire the things that He desires and hate the things that He hates! And that means that I'm going to have to change every aspect of my lifestyle to accommodate Him. I'm starting to see that I've made a habit out of entertaining my flesh. It's my form of relaxation. I think I have a right to it and I balk when someone tells me I can't relax.. But what better rest is there than in the Spirit?? God break me, change me, make me new!!! Without you I will die! Torment my soul if you must until I am broken over sin, no longer desiring it or anything to do with it!!

Prone to Wander?

2007-07-19T13:19:00.001-05:00

"The other night we sang a hymn. We sang 2 stanzas, I thought we were gonna sing the 3rd one which I don't like to sing. Because in that stanza we say something like this to the Lord,

'Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love'.

I don't feel like leaving Him. Why don't you go to your wife tonight and say 'You know sweetheart, I wanna sing something to you, "Prone to wander, wife I feel it..." and she says 'Hey!! Who's the other woman!?!" and you say, "No, no, no, it's a kind of feeling I get now and again. You know you're getting a bit old and washed up-". No, you wouldn't sing that to your wife! "Prone to wander wife I feel it-". Look, if you can sing that honestly - Prone to wander, Lord I feel it - you'd better get back to the cross! The world doesn't attract me - I don't want anything the world has, it has death in it! Everything in the world has death, everything in the kingdom has life."

~Leonard Ravenhill Be Holy in all Conversation

I've actually sung that myself. Isn't there a "Christian" artist today who's made that the chorus of a song? I never realized how contradictory that is to the Christian life! And it's challenging me. Am I prone to wander? Really am I? Or is my face fixed like flint to Him and His purposes, and His glory? If it's not then I need to examine myself again. When did I come to the place where I thought it was okay to feel like wandering? My gosh, you'd think singing that would've told me something about my heart and the sorry state of it. What does the world have that I want that would entice me to wander? I must ask myself this honestly. Do I want things of the world more than I want holiness?

I've come to determine that everything I must do to be a Christian will cost me something. Everything. If it doesn't cost me then I must examine myself. He doesn't want an empty sacrifice, he wants a dead sacrifice. Death hurts. But if I am to be holy, death is what He requires of me. Holiness will cost me every ounce of my comfort, every ounce of my spare time, my convenience, my emotions - everything that is mine must be His! And if it's not then how can I be Holy? How badly do I want it? Summed up it's this: "If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (Matthew 16:24-25) So it's easy to say "I desire to go after Jesus" - the world smiles on that, they say "Good for you then, you'll be a good citizen if you do that." But it's saying there that if I desire to follow after Him then essentially I must also desire to lose my life. Now that's completely contradictory to anything the world says to do. It's contradictory to what most American Christians say to do. Lose my life? Lose everything? Deny myself of all the creature comforts I have? On purpose? And substitute it with what? Sure, I can deny myself but that alone won't save me. I must deny myself and take up my cross to follow Him. That requires action on my part. It requires work. The 27th verse of that same chapter in Matthew says that Lord will come with all His glory and judge each one by his works. It takes work to exchange my desires for His, then act on them.

I've heard that scripture so many times and always kinda thought "Well how sweet, Jesus wants me to follow Him and I'll find life." But I really thought about it today. I imagined what was going through the disciples heads as they heard him make that proposal.. It wasn't some sweet invitation Jesus was giving out. It was more like "I'm not going to fool you. If you want to follow me you will endure pain, suffering, and persecution like the world has never known. You must lay down every emotion and worldly desire to take up a cross of death to follow me. And be aware that regardless of what you decide mentally, I will judge you by what you do." They knew what a cross was! It was the cruelest, most torturesome way to kill someone that the world had seen yet!! And here Jesus is inviting them to take it up.. I've got to wonder what they were thinking.. It makes me wonder why I think I can get away with so little when He required absolutely everything of them. They'd already given up homes, jobs, families, security and they're wandering around the middle east and Jesus tells them there's more? If anyone had reason to be "prone to wander" they did! But they didn't. They clung tighter to the truth they knew. And He expects no less from me. He deserves no less from me. God save me from my depraved way of thinking.

Psalm 17:15

2007-07-17T09:54:00.001-05:00

As for me, I will see your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in your likeness.

Wow. The only place I will find Him, His face, is in righteousness. And I will never be satisfied until I reach eternity. I can't explain why, but that excites me beyond measure! I have a whole lifetime of dissatisfaction ahead of me - Praise God! To be satisfied would to be complacent.. Wow.

Fire - Leonard Ravenhill

2007-07-16T14:46:00.000-05:00

"Malachi says 'Who shall abide the day of His coming and who shall stand when He appears!? He is like a refiners fire!!' Matthew 3:11 says 'He shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost and fire' 3rd Chapter of Luke 'He shall baptize you with fire', come to the 3rd chapter of 1st Corinthians - the FIRE!!

One of the most exciting things in eternity is that we're gonna be able to sit there maybe for a million years, or 10 million years and watch God put every song you've ever sung or every sermon I've ever preached - put the fire to it! And see how much of self and pride or riches or money or any other thing you've had to the fire! The FIRE!! It shall try every mans work! Not what size it is - what sort it is. Not the quantity - the quality.

You cannot escape fire!"

The Pressure's On

2007-07-16T11:39:00.001-05:00

It's been so long since I've written here that I actually have forgotten what my blog looks like. I write this from work, trying to remember what color font to use so that it'll be readable against the background. Just so everyone knows, I don't want to write anything here that doesn't bear fruit unto righteousness, which is part of the reason for my silence. So now that's made clear...

If you've ever listened to Leonard Ravenhill for any period of time you'll know that he quotes old hymns like no one else I've ever heard. He can't sing at all - I swear he sounds just like a goat - but he's memorized so many hymns and quotes them constantly. I really like this one that he quoted in prayer:

"Kindle a flame of sacred love on the mean altar of my heart and there, for Thy glory, let it burn with inextinguishable blaze and trembling to its' source returning constant prayer and fervent praise."

That's the cry of my heart right now. I can't help but ask myself "What on earth are you getting yourself into??" Another hymn says this of the fire; "When Gods' fire upon the altar of my heart was set aflame, my ambitions, plans, and wishes at my feet in ashes lay." Am I prepared to lay down everything? No. I never will be prepared. But it's going to happen - because He is faithful and will do what I've asked Him to do - Consume me. He has given me the will, and to do His good purpose. I have everything I need to be a partaker of His divine nature. And He's going to take me through the fire to get me there.

Fire: destructive burning of something.

The beginning of the Old Testament makes it very clear that the fire is used to make offerings. In fact, that's the only way God would accept the offering - if it was made by fire. He didn't take just any old thing either. He wanted the purest, the best, the first fruits. We can look to the story of Cain and Abel to see what the Lord thinks of an offering that is not made out of the best that we have - out of obedience to His word. If we don't obey Him in every thing, there are grave consequences. In Psalm 51 David is pleading that his heart and hands be made clean. He says that the burnt offerings and sacrifices aren't what please Him but the sacrifices of God are a broken and contrite spirit. It says in verse 19 that He shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness. And we see in the New Testament that God's desires in sacrifice don't change. Romans 12:1 says "I beseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, Holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service." The standard of God has not changed. He will only accept us Holy. It was made very clear in the old testament that the priest who went to bring the offering to the mercy seat had to be pure or else he would be struck dead. That's really serious!

Jeremiah 23:29 says "Is not my word like a fire? And a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?" If we listened and obeyed His word it truly would be a fire to us, refining and breaking us, bringing to light the things that do not glorify Him and causing a desperation in us to remove sin and make us more like Him that we may stand before Him in holiness, and cleanliness of heart. Isaiah 66:16 "For by fire and by sword the Lord will judge all flesh. And the slain of the Lord will be many." The fire of the Lord is what judges us. He uses it to chastise and discipline, to make us aware of who He is. I didn't write the scripture down, but it says in the OT that His glory is revealed by fire. When the fire comes to burn us up it will reveal His glory in our lives. My fervent prayer is that when I am consumed by Him that my flesh would be slain! That glory of the Lord would be revealed in my life!

1 Corinthians 3:12-15 "Now if anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each ones work will become clear; for the day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each ones work of what sort it is. If anyone's work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. If anyone's work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire." I love how over and over, God shows us that walking after Him, taking up His yoke, while it is easier than attempting to achieve holiness of ourselves, it still requires work - discipline to our flesh. And the fire of God will come and make it apparent to everyone whether or not I've been building unto Him or unto myself. That's a scary thing. Ravenhill made the point that the fire will go out if we don't take out the ashes and soot - clean it out. You have to fuel the fire, add to it, to keep it going. God will always be showing us things in ourselves that need to be burned up. But I pray that even as things in myself are removed that they are replaced with things of Him. That His glory is continually being revealed.. it spurs me on.. To prayer.

Another thing that God has been pounding into me is how essential prayer is. I think I get so caught up in enjoying fellowship that I've neglected to pray. Fellowship is worthless unless I've first spent time communing with God, pouring out my heart to Him through prayer and allowing Him to speak back to me and share His heart. Ravenhill made the point "Prayer is the most demanding thing this side of eternity - that's why we do so little of it." It demands our time, that we put aside everything else, get alone, and seek His face with all our hearts. If we do He promises that we will find Him! There is such a burning in me to pray right now..

"And that's all I got." as Bob would say.. At least on this subject. There's so much more than He's opening up to us - it's amazing how the revelation that God is giving to other parts of the body tie in perfectly with the things God is showing me. We do all have the same Holy Spirit though.. So now, the pressure is on you guys! Get your stuff posted (you know who you are!)!

Pot-ay-to, Pot-ah-to

2007-06-27T14:07:00.001-05:00

I know I'm supposed to be the "Grammar Nazi", but I actually only learned how to spell the plural form of "potato" and "tomato" very recently. I was always confused about whether or not there was an "e" at the end of those words. There isn't. It's just one of those flukes of the English language where you randomly add "es" to make it plural instead of just "s". Is there any reason for this that anyone can see? It doesn't make sense and now every time I have to write "potatoes" it aggravates me and I want to rip the "e" out of there! But I can't because then it won't be right.

Have you ever written a word, and you know it's spelled right, but it just doesn't look right? And you wonder "Whose idea was it to spell it this way anyway?" You know, back in the day, they didn't have set "correct" spellings for all words. They just kinda spelled it however they wanted. There's stuff in the Declaration of Independence that's alllll misspelled, according to todays standards. I would've thought that when they set the "correct" spelling for each word in stone they would've gone with what our founding fathers deemed correct.

And maybe I'm taking this too far, but have you ever just listened to a word as it's coming out your mouth and thought "That's just weird." And the more you say it, the more strange it sounds? Take the word "snack" for example. Say it out loud a few times and listen to yourself. It sounds SO weird to me!!! It's almost like there's an invisible "y" in it when it's said. I have to think somebody giggled over using that word to mean "mini-meal in between 3 basic daily meals". Imagine that at some point in time, someone came up with every word we use and made it mean something. I mean, sure, a lot of our words are derived from Latin and other languages. There are some similarities. But then there are others that are purely American words where someone just spat out some vowel and consonant sounds and said "I think I'll call it... A rock". I dunno. These are just random things I've thought over the past few years.

I really do want to study English. And I really do want to be an editor of some sort. Oh well.. That dream goes back up on the shelf.

My Hiding Place

2007-06-19T11:24:00.002-05:00

When you were little, did you ever have a place you would hide when you were upset or angry with your parents? I did. At my old house, there weren't many places you could get away. The tree house was a pretty good place, but they never had any trouble finding me there and making me come down. And so I found refuge at the back of my closet. There I would sit on top of all the spare blankets and pillows, surrounded by familiar old stuffed animals. When I felt sorry for myself I would climb behind all our best Sunday dresses and sit there and cry - in later years, pray - until all the frustrated emotion was gone. I laugh about it now. There's no way they didn't hear me since my closet was just opposite the living room wall. But for whatever reason they never pursued me there. To this day I have that space memorized, from the flower and lace pattern of my winter dress, to the uneven texture on the walls.

I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I retreated there until I was almost 15. Even when we moved I cleared out the space behind old prom dresses and huddled into the narrow corner. But I soon ran out of room to put things, so I was ousted from my closet, finally. One day in wandering to the end of the street Jordan and I found some 4 wheeler trails in the woods near our house. You have to cross a dug out canal to get to it, and it's there that all the drains from the neighborhood empty out of a 4 foot steel culvert. So my new "hiding place" was found. When you stand on the small patch of broken concrete at the bottom of the culvert you're just low enough to not be able to see the street or the houses, and when there's water running out of it you can't hear the traffic anymore. My favorite time to go is on a rainy afternoon with my bible and journal. I'm not one of those people who can shut out the noise of the world with ease. I'm too easily distracted by familiar surroundings, even when I'm by myself. I have to get away to truly get alone. There are times when I'm only able to spend a few minutes there, and others when I spend hours sitting and listening to the sound of the frogs and crickets. I've had some of the best times of prayer and worship sitting on the culvert or standing on the concrete while the water runs between my toes. (picture of my "place" taken with my phone - sorry for the poor quality!)

I guess you may not really see it as a true "hiding place" since there's no real hiding involved. My family knows when they can't find me they should look there. But I don't see it as a literal place to hide anymore. Just a place where somehow I can escape without having to go too far. I retreated there last night just as the moon was beginning to emerge. Mrs. Sharons favorite song was going through my head :

You're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day

To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place

I know that He is my strong tower, my hiding place, but it's nice to know that I have a real hiding place to retreat to when I need it.

PS: A blueberry farm at dusk isn't a bad place to retreat either.. You might try that sometime. It makes it even better when the blueberries are only $1 per pound.. hehe

BJ needs instant messenger

2007-06-17T01:40:00.000-05:00

Yes, you do. If I were looking at you right now I'd give you that open eyed-yebrows -up- pointing-my-finger-in-your-face-you-really-need-to-do-it look you always give us. Now you really need it! Because I hate texting. I'm so bad at it. I don't want to be good at it. And I know an "e" is missing up there. But if I try to fix it then I have to re-type all of this. And I'd better not mess up because then I won't be able to fix it without it being dumb. Gah... This happens on Microsoft Word sometimes. I forget how to fix it though. I'll have to rummage around blogger and figure it out.

Somebody besides Jordan

2007-06-16T12:15:00.000-05:00

No Jordan, I do not like pink. Yes I said feminine, but you can do feminine without pink. And why didn't you leave my font the way I had it? You listed all of them, and unlike some, I don't have typefaces memorized. I only said "times" because it's the only one I recognized. I liked my old one.

I want it different. I hate this. Would somebody who please knows what they're doing try to fix it??? I want a picture thing at the top, and I don't know how to do that. Gah.

Stupid blogger.. silly sister..

Thank You Mr. Litterbug

2007-06-14T23:31:00.000-05:00

First off: Yes, I know, I messed up my blog COMPLETELY and it's ugly, and I hate it. Any volunteers to fix it for me? Anybody? I really don't have the time this weekend, or tomorrow.. and the last time I tried to change it I got frustrated 'cause I couldn't figure it out and I just settled for whatever, and I want something unique, but fitting for me. You guys know me well enough to know what would suit me. And I'll gladly give my password out to anyone who wants to try. Pleeeease?

Secondly: God is revealing so many things to me right now about myself. He's showing me areas where I've walked in religion and had no idea I was doing it! I never realized it before but I've been living as though I believe things that I detest with everything in me! It's ripping me apart. Which is a very good thing. There will be time to write more on that later.

Thirdly and lastly: Someone decided to drop their styrafoam trash on the middle of Greenwell Springs Rd tonight. And when you see it reflecting your headlights at a far distance, and your contacts are a bit blurry it looks like the reflection off of tennis shoes. And I thought it was someone standing there in the middle of my lane. And I almost had a heart attack. Thank God no one was behind me because I didn't trust my inclination that it wasn't somebody so I braked really hard. I was so relieved to find it was not a person, but very annoyed with the person who threw that kinda trash out their window. So I had my little dose of adrenaline for the day.

My True Art Form

2007-06-12T13:42:00.001-05:00

I know this blog has been long neglected. Lately I've written a lot of things, but they aren't worth posting for everyone to see. I've come to discover that while I love creating art in the physical sense of drawing, painting, photography etc. my true art form is words. For the past 6 years of my life my outlet has been in written word. All of you at some point have received a note or letter from me, so you know that's how I best communicate. Remember when Kandi banned me from writing and journaling, just so I would learn to actually talk? I remember Jamie telling me once that it's out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, not "the hand writes".. Haha. Now you can't get me to shut up.

If I had time and money to study anything I wanted to I would study classic literature and become an editor. It would combine three things that I'm good at: reading, writing, and criticizing other peoples work.. Or.. Critiquing it, if you'd like to use a nicer word. The only thing is that I have no imagination for the creative whatsoever. It's funny that I can pick someones story apart, but I couldn't write one myself worth anything! If you put me in a creative writing or poetry class I would fail miserably. I can't just pull things off the top of my head and compose a story or a poem. If I write it has to be from life, facts, actual events. That is where I find my inspiration. I can take any actual event and embellish it. I love the challenge of doing that! I think I would be good at writing biographies or allegories.

I know I'm a total nerd but I actually miss the high school days of having to write essays before a class period is over. I want to take some classes or something in writing. My skills are rough at best, but with training I think I could get better.. And who knows but one day I may be able to put those skills to use for the kingdom of God? I really do want to pursue this.

I've got some things written that it wouldn't hurt to put on here. Little stories, or allegories and just silly things I've written. You'll probably see them start popping up every now and again. But beware..who I really am comes out in my writing..

Bekah Hope

2007-06-03T14:15:00.001-05:00

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern		60%
Robin		58%
Spider-Man		55%
Wonder Woman		53%
Catwoman		50%
Superman		45%
Supergirl		43%
Hulk		40%
The Flash		30%
Iron Man		25%
Batman		20%

Hot-headed. You have strong
will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

So mistreated!

2007-05-15T21:58:00.000-05:00

Some of you have had the pleasure (if you wanna call it that) of seeing Jordan hyper, or on a caffeine or sugar high. Sometimes she can be very chatty, and sometimes very witty. Tonight she's just being crazy. I'm never taking her to Starbucks at 8:00pm again! Next time you're angry at your brother or sister try throwing one of these insults at them. You have Jordan to thank for this..

You are a crazy no good slug with salt boogers covering you

you need to get your semi-sized butt up, and come ________

Norton P. says:
Stop laughing you tub of guts
Bekah says:
lol
Norton P. says:
stop breathing
Norton P. says:
stop sitting
Norton P. says:
stop salivating

GUB-giggled under breath (new internet acronym)

you are a bellybutton muncher, and you are going to die someday

yer face is a vortex of death

yer a monkey shaving ogre

God is bigger than the news reporter

So there.. written evidence of Jordans insanity!

2007-05-10T20:33:00.000-05:00

It was getting dark so these are not good pictures. And I don't like Poppies camera. Notice how Aubrey was dragging away the cat food bag.. yeah.. he liked it. He ate quite a few pieces before they left, and kept going back for more. That child really will eat anything!

Emily Post - Sweet words of wisdom

2007-05-07T10:44:00.001-05:00

Here are some things to ponder on as you pick out and sign Mothers day cards for the special women in your life. Remember that Mothers day is May 13th! Don't limit yourself to just your mother. They make cards to give to everyone now. Send them to your Sisters, Grandmothers, good friends who are mothers, etc. It's a lot of fun, I think.

On writing letters~

{For Ending a letter}“Affectionately yours,"“Always affectionately,"“Affectionately,"“Devotedly,"“Lovingly,"“Your loving" are in increasing scale of intimacy. “Lovingly" is much more intimate than “Affectionately” and so is “Devotedly.”

Anger in a letter carries with it the effect of solidified fury; the words spoken in reproof melt with the breath of the speaker once the cause is forgiven. The written words on the page fix them for eternity. Love in a letter endures likewise forever.

The letter we all love to receive is one that carries so much of the writer’s personality that she seems to be sitting beside us, looking at us directly and talking just as she really would, could she have come on a magic carpet, instead of sending her proxy in ink-made characters on mere paper.

Bicycles, Batching, and Men of Peace

2007-05-03T17:24:00.000-05:00

Has it really been almost two weeks since the last time I posted? Wow, the time has flown by. BJ, Jordan and I got new bikes. And have respectivly named them Awesomer (BJ), Prettier (Jordan), and Classier (mine). They are a lot of fun. I forgot how much I loved to ride a bike. Very much looking forward to Saturdays bike excursion!

On another note I'm working in a different section of the Processing Center this week. I completely understand why the Batching section is constanly understaffed. Being over there makes me appreciate my position and my supervisors more than I can say! God knew what He was doing when He put me where I am.

I sat next to a lady yesterday who turned out to be very nice. She made what was looking like a very bad day (meeting only 1/3 of the standard production that's expected - even though it was my first time doing that particular thing!) perk up a lot. First off, they run that area like a high school. They don't want you talking or getting up more than you have to, and people are really childish about it. So the fact that we sat there working and talking for more than an hour unnoticed was awesome. We got to talking about our lives and that led to church and I got to tell her a lot about home church. She goes to Bethany but doesn't agree with a lot of things they do. Like many who have been burned by religion she craved something real. She was definately a kindrid spirit, a "man of peace". I gave her my phone number and invited her to call me if she wanted to come to home church some time. Unfortunately tomorrow's her last day, so I won't see her again unless she does come. I'm just excited!

Times of Refreshing

2007-04-22T14:37:00.000-05:00

Since I know all our girls (Breigh and Hannah particularly) are just dying to see Elizabeths' website.. here's the link:

PhotographyEK.blogspot.com

And yes, this is probably in itty bitty type now but I can't figure out how to make it normal size again!! Anyway, I looked at her pictures, and they're very good! I like them a lot! She's not afraid to get "on your level" to get an interesting picture.

I don't think any of us could put on paper all the things that have been stirred up in us this weekend. We've had a concentrated amount of fellowship with many that we haven't seen for ages, and some we've never even met before - from our church body and from across America. Usually at corporate events there's never enough time to see everyone and catch up before you have to leave. This meeting was long overdue, yet perfectly timed. There was an ongoing count of how many times Bro. David, or Bro. Teryl, or Bro. Danny repeated things that we've said throughout the week. We stopped counting when it just got ridiculous. I'm not so sure we set the best example for our bible study girls when we kept giggling and grinning at each other! Penny got it right when she hugged me and said "God is so good!!"

Like I said, I couldn't even try to download onto paper everything that's come into the light for me this weekend right now. My head (and heart) is spinning with it all. Maybe I'll try this week at work, which will probably result in a very long blog post. You cannot say you weren't forewarned.

Love ya'll!

A Simple Amen

2007-04-17T20:48:00.000-05:00

We shall draw nearer to God not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armor. If our hearts need to be broken and He chooses this as a way in which they should break, so be it.

So be it. Three words that I never thought would be so hard to say.

I can't count how many times I've said this over the past 48 hours but I really don't know what else to say right now. At least here.. What I do know is that when God wants my attention He gets it. And when He wants to tell me something He finds about 10 different ways to get it through my thick skull. Apparently my hearing isn't so good. Lauren thinks it's funny.. ;)

Gah!

2007-04-13T07:53:00.001-05:00

8 paperclips and one document… my gosh people.

I probably have to work tomorrow.

Confidentiality Statement

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Paperclip OCD

2007-04-12T09:27:00.001-05:00

Here at my job we use paperclips - never staples. I'm using them constantly. I have a little cup for small paperclips, and a cup for big/colored ones. I think you could say I'm discriminating. I don't like big paperclips unless I absolutely need one. You know, the ones with the thicker metal? I hate it when people use those on documents that are too large for them, because they're so stiff they stretch out and end up not holding anything. A large document calls for one of the actual "clip" paperclips. I don't like the colored paperclips either. They stretch out too easy and they don't stay on the paper as well. My biggest pet peeve right now? People who use FIVE paperclips on one document (no exaggeration, just emphasis)! It's as though they think they'll get more "points" for using the most paperclips possible. Something else is that some people clip on the top of the page, and others on the side. Why can't we just do it one uniform way? I realize this may be far fetched, but it's always bugged me, I just never mentioned it. One of my co-workers collects unique paperclips. Every time she gets a new one she takes it on a tour around the office saying "Look at my new baby!" So you know I'm not the only one who's obsessed. She's just on the other end of the spectrum.

As you can see, I have not forgotten my blog entirely. I've written many posts in my thoughts, though all of them are coupled with photos that have yet to be taken, so for that reason I have delayed. I want to show you all my new things, for I have quite a few of them. New car, new hair, new phone, new baby kitties - that Amber will attest are just too precious! As I've been enjoying all my new things it's made me ponder of the newness of life that Christ brings. I've also noticed that while I enjoy change around me and relish in it, I despise change within myself, and I want that to change. But that's for another post.

Ugh... complicated

2007-04-04T20:20:00.000-05:00

So the white Civic is out. Get this - it's too cheap.. haha. So now I'm test driving an adorable red
'03! It's too cute. I'm getting more excited. Just thought I'd let you know!

Wait [Did I already post this one?]

2007-03-29T14:16:00.001-05:00

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said,"Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "Wait"

Watch free concerts with Pink, Rod Stewart, Oasis and more. Visit MSN Presents today.

If nothing goes wrong

2007-03-28T21:48:00.000-05:00

Then I'm going to have this -

By no later than next weekend!!! Pops' old Toyota wagon finally bit the dust, never to return. And so they posed to me the idea of buying my own car.. and it's actually a lot more feasable than I thought it would be. We drove around an Acura that Bro. Scott had, and thought we were just gonna buy that one, but when we checked out Consumer Report, the Civic actually has much better safety ratings. It's about the same price for the '01 model we looked at.. but mine would be white with a little spoiler. I'm gonna talk to the credit union tomorrow. I'm so excited!!! It has tan interior with black accents, and it's just so cute. Yay!

It's so shiny and pretty!

2007-03-23T08:21:00.001-05:00

I know, I know I haven't blogged. I have a whole litany of valid excuses to give. Like the fact that my dad chopped the cable cord last weekend with the shovel.. multiple times. Apparently it was right in the way of all the places he wanted to plant trees. Buuuuut... he made up for it by finally getting our new phones for us. We've been eligible for the upgrade for over a month now. It couldn't have happened at a better time. I was leaving Target to go meet Pop at the Cingular store and he called me. But it didn't show up on the screen of my phone that he was calling, it was just ringing and vibrating and wouldn't stop. After pressing every button I finally got it to stop ringing but it vibrated the whole way to the store. The cingular guy couldn't even figure out how to make it stop. He just took the battery out.

I was going to get the iTunes slvr after seeing Laurens. But then I've tried to talk to Lauren while she's on her phone and we don't go one phone call without her cutting out unless she's outside. I saw a chick in Target with the black version of my dads' slide phone and decided at the last minute that I reeeaally wanted that one. Suprisingly it cost over $50 more than the slvr we got for Jordan, and that's only after the rebate. And then it's another $40 for the chip you need for the Mp3 player, and another $25 for the cord to hook it up to your computer to transfer the files. I guess we'll see if it's worth it! It would still be cheaper than an iPod.

But for right now I have a pretty, new phone that takes pictures with about 8 different effects (black and white, sepia, sketch, negative, etc.). I'm resisting the temptation to set it up on my desk so I can look at it.. I can't 'cause we're not even supposed to have them turned on on this floor. Oh well. It's enough just knowing how pretty it is, even if I can't see it.

I have a sudden craving for club soda. Or really good ginger ale.

Mortgage refinance is hot 1) Rates near 30-yr lows 2) Good credit get intro-rate 4.625%*

Pathetic attempt

2007-03-16T10:04:00.001-05:00

I know it's been well over a week since I've written anything here. My apologies to all you avid bloggers. I'm attempting to email this to my blog from work but I don't remember if I have the right address or not. If any of you've read your email lately you'll know a little bit of what's going on with our family. It's been tiring to say the least. My mother is overly laid back about everything and my dad is overly anxious. It's a wonderful combination that makes living with them amusing.. at times. When I'm not annoyed I step back and have a good giggle with Jordan over it all.

I almost burned the house down yesterday - Well not really. I don't even think I told my parents this yet. After I got home Jordan and I were watching TV and we started to smell something burning. One of my biggest nightmares is that my house will burn down. I'm telling you, I can't stand to even think of it. So when I smelled smoke I got scared. Jordan and I jumped up to investigate. We didn't see any smoke or feel heat. Jordan went outside to check the roof while I climbed into the attic, all the while running around the house sniffing like dogs. Nothing.. Except when you stood right in front of the TV. We gave up after a few minutes, but the smell remained. Just when I was leaving to go babysit, Jordan asked me to turn off the lamp next to the TV. Instead of touching the switch, I accidentally touched the hot bulb which caused me to peer under the shade to carefully turn it off. Then I discovered the source of the problem. We'd been drying some flowers upside-down, hung on the switch. I guess when I turned the lamp on I shifted the stems because they were flat against the bulb, now a nice charred, ashy black.

Agggggh… I just found out I have to work tomorrow. At 6AM.. Doing something I've never done before.. My gosh, I could just cry.

Confidentiality Statement!

THIS is emo.

2007-03-05T23:41:00.000-06:00

I just spent over three hours waiting around the set of a local cable show (NO, I am NOT telling you which one!). It was "Motivational Monday". A family friends' makeup model cancelled at the last minute. She was desperate and I was "available". She's a costmetologist who's trying to come back on the scene and got the opportunity to do this showcase on a ladys' cable show. It was one of those "before" and "after" things. I assure you that the difference was very dramatic! It doesn't look like me. At all.

For those of you who've heard us use the word "emo" and wondered what it meant.. well this is a perfect example. Heavy eye makeup (I've never worn that much in my life) and dark lips and pictures taken from that angle.. egh. It's the first and (hopefully) the last time you will ever see me with this much makeup on! So I figured I should take a picture since it'll never happen again. It's hard to believe some girls get up and do that to themselves every day. If the eyes really are the windows to the soul, then they try to pull the curtains shut.

So needless to say, I had a very eventful evening. I was preached at about prosperity and faith for blessing. Apparently we are supposed to be the Head and not the tail to be able to earn our way to 6 figure success in Gods' will. And that was only the beginning. This guy coined a new word - no longer is it the principle of reciprocity, but "rich-i-prosity".. Maybe he just stumbled his words but I thought it ironic that he mixed "rich" and "properity". I was asked after it was over, "So what are you getting out of this?? Aren't you feeling inspired??" I was like "Yeah.. uh.. I am!" - to throw up all over that guys pretty suit.

Sigh. I'm going to bed. I've got another long day of online training courses ahead of me tomorrow.

Speaking of blasphemy...

2007-03-01T17:21:00.000-06:00

Anybody wanna take a wild guess at what this says....? Please, Take a guess.....

Okay, Okay.. I'll tell you. It's tongues. The site where I found this suggests that you roll the "r"s to make it sound more realistic. This shirt is printed in Got Good Religion Gold. They offer many other phrases that you can get printed in any color. For example: Pentecostal Plum, Souly Ghost Green, Fresh Anointing Fuchsia, Lord Have Mercy Lime and the list goes on. Go to www.holyghosttees.com to check it out. I honestly can't decide if they're really serious or not. Initially it's rather comical. But I think it's blasphemy, which is not a word I throw around lightly. For our younger readers, blasphemy is defined "to speak impiously or irreverently of (God or sacred things). To speak evil of; slander; abuse. " I don't think it would be an exaggeration to label that as blasphemy.

On another note, Jordan just informed me of a new teenage revolution called The Blasphemy Challenge. I googled it. Apparently this has been floating around in the media for more than two months. Newsweek published an article on Jan. 8th. You can read the whole thing here. To sum it up for those of you who've heard nothing about it yet, it's a challenge from a couple of prominent atheists to publicly blaspheme the Holy Spirit - which many know as the unforgivable sin. The question they ask is "Do you have a soul you're not using? We want it."[paraphrased] They ask you to make a video condemning yourself to hell, then post it on YouTube. Your reward - at least for the first 1001 who take the challenge - is a free DVD - The God Who Wasn't There. I went to the site, but I can't bring myself to watch any of the videos. It's painful to even think about someone doing such a thing. It grieves my soul. Here's a snippet of what NewsWeek Journalist Jerry Adler reported

...another self-described blasphemer, whose real name is Michael Lawson,replies that he knows exactly what he's doing: he's daring God to send him to hell. "We want to show the world that we really mean it when we say we don't believe a word in this book," he says. He means the Bible.
God could not be reached for comment.

I ask myself, what drives someone to atheism? What drives them to take it to this level? Ironically, I believe it can be the same thing that drives me to forsake my flesh and cling to the cross. Religion. Pure religion. How many times have you heard an atheist rail against Christianity because of hypocrisy and other reasons? I've known many young people who grew up in religious homes only to convert to atheism out of bitter disillusionment. It's upsetting to think that religion played a big role in that. It motivates me to do something about the mediocrity that is running rampant in this generation of "Christian" young people.

There is another side to the spectrum. Some enthusiastic people have created http://www.challengeblasphemy.com/ . I haven't been able to look at any of their videos yet. But we shall see.. we shall see.. More on this tomorrow.

Lovesickness

2007-02-28T17:26:00.000-06:00

Calm my restless heart,
Take me to the eyeOf the storm.
War’s walls all around,
Peace within
Where Your presence dwells.
O, I wait!for You –I never knew it took
So much strength
To sit
So much strength
To trust.
The raging thunders of water
Seem to overflow me.
I tumble, dizzy and sleepless –
O to know what You are doing
In this moment –
This very hour –
History’s significance rests on
Today.
Take me to our secret place
Where You whisper in my ear,
Gaze into my being
With eyes of fire,
And embrace my frail body
Until it hinders me no more
From running into You,
Just to be where You are.
The weight of glory,
The majesty of royalty,
My eyes behold my King
And my heart bows low.
My mind does not wander,
For once.
My hands do not work fruitlessly,
They only extend,
Facing up,
Holding my life inside.
For it belongs to You,
My Maker.
You created this pot
Then gave it a choice:
“Be filled with your gloryor Mine?”
This pot cries out,
“FILL ME WITH YOUR GLORY!”
I cannot stand my own barrenness
I despise my own works
I am weary of my own words
I am too weak to be strong;
Alone.
I yearn for Your fruitfulness
I long for Your tender healing touch
I ache to hear Your voice
I am consumed by You.
You turn me into ash
Then clothe me in brightness.
WHO ARE YOU?
More than earthly love
Do I crave Your touch,
Your embrace
Your nearness.
Intimacy with You
Pulls my fragments together
Makes me whole and well.
But I can’t see past my Lover’s doorway!
Where can I go
But where I hear Your voice?
Chamber corners
Ricochet false echoes
And I chase nothing.
But then, O!
It is my Beloved!
Yes, that is His tone!
Wait for me,I am coming!
Yes, I am coming quickly!
Do not leave me
For Your presence is all I am.
Without it, I die.
I wither, I dry out,
I march to the same beat
as the fallen world.
NO!
I will dance to the rhythm of the King!
I will seek His face alone,
His hand alone
His embrace alone.
I have tasted, I have seen
That other lovers fall short,
Disappoint, leave me wanting,
Craving something more.
But You!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?
Gloriously precious is this servant
In the eyes of his King.
You have stolen me,
My life
My heart
My affections
You have won this bleeding spirit
Until the end –Then beyond.
I AM YOURS
Forever.
I care not of my own,
Only of You.
Take my hand
Lead me on,
King Jesus
As deep calls unto deep
To Your chamber’s halls.

~Matthew Harri

Go here to see some of the other poetry this guy's written. It's really good. I can't write poetry, but I do appreciate it very much. I love this poem.

Mad libs are great!

2007-02-27T22:55:00.000-06:00

Note that everything in caps is added by us

Dream Prince
by Joa
Edited by Bill Kendrick
Once upon a time there was a princess named JAMIE. Every night, she would dream about a very handsome prince named JACOB. She started falling in love with him even though he wasn't real. One 7:61 AM in the SPRING she saw a prince that looked just like JACOB from her dreams! She thought hard to find a reason to meet him. He saw the way she was looking at him, and knew she must be in love with him. But alas, her SECOND COUSIN ON HER AUNTS SIDE wanted her to have nothing to do with him, and told of stories that JACOB was wanted for STEALING SOMEONES SEAT! But JACOB was not only handsome, but smart, as well. He learned of these stories, which were lies, and knew that princess JAMIE's SECOND COUSIN ON HER AUNTS SIDE must be evil. So one day, when noone was watching, prince JACOB found JAMIE and they ran away together to start their own YOUNG kingdom.
The Box
The doorbell rang. BJ and LAUREN raced to the door. There on the doorstep was an enormous, VERBOSE box. What could be inside? They EXCITEDLY CATAPULTED the box into the ATTIC. LAUREN GROTESQUELY put her HAIR FOLICLE close to the box. She thought she heard a voice whisper, “DARN YOU AQUA SCUM!”
“Hurry. Open the box!” screamed BJ. To their amazement, KIRK CAMERON leaped out of the box and started singing “I'VE GOT YOU UNDER MY SKIN.” There was nothing else to do but sing along.
Simply Delicious!
PIPES a la WARDIngredients
99 cups of PIPES
SQUARE ROOT OF 4 pounds of chopped WAGONS
57 teaspoons of TAILS
23 cups of SWEAT
21 BOOGERS Directions
ACTING the PIPES under cold water and place them in a(n) LOVELY bowl.
CREATIVELY add the chopped WAGONS, TAILS, SWEAT, and BOOGERS.
BRUISING well until all the ingredients are GREEN.
Place spoonfuls of the mixture on a 9” x 12” TREE.
Bake 704 minutes at 7687 degrees.
Serves 64453

We had fun tonight..

Welcome to Storyville

2007-02-26T17:30:00.000-06:00

Wear your story. I stumbled across this website today because well... I was nosy. We won't go into that. And I found that I really love some of the designs and tees that the designers offer. It's like a local "Threadless". They're over on Chimes St. They'll print your "dream shirts" for you. You know how we're always saying we need to make stuff into a t-shirt? Well now we can.

Here are some of the ones I particularly liked:

I really love this one. It's just a tad too 'spensive for me..

If you've ever been to Grand Isle - and I have many times! Then this is hilarious!

This one is just funny. Especially if you live in La.

I'm going to buy this one... For Mrs. Sharon.. lol

If you go to the website it has links to all the sites that sell these shirts, and others.

To quote you..

2007-02-15T21:36:00.000-06:00

I've been reading some poetry and quotes and things the past few days on different blogs and in articles. Here are a few that I really liked. Many of them pertain to the Valentine season.

"Like a rose can be preserved for many years without losing it's color, so a
letter saves deep thoughts and earnest prayers for years and retains the sweet
fragrance of the moment they were written." ~ someone I don't know

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything
and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to
make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no-one... Wrap it
carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock
it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe,
dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become
unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least
to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside heaven where you
can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is
hell." ~ C.S. Lewis

Wait um.. well that's it! Hope you enjoyed them!

Be My Valentine

2007-02-13T23:25:00.000-06:00

I have always loved Valentines Day. I believe that it should never be a day to mope in loneliness and self pity, but rather to rejoice in Godly friendships. I take great delight in the excuse to write little notes of encouragement this time of year. So now I want to take this time to let all of my church family know how much I love you. I wanted to mail these out but I didn't plan far enough ahead to be able to.

Bob and Sharon: Thank you for graciously opening your home to us every week. I know that I am welcome there. Thanks for your prayers and encouragement and for your faithfulness in seeking the Lord... Thank you for setting a Godly example as a couple and allowing us to witness your love for one another. I appreciate your humble service to my family and I. I love you both dearly and thank God every day that He gave me you to lead me.

Holly: You are always a breath of fresh air to me. I love how easily you laugh. You bring joy to the bleakest setting and bring out the best in people - their humor! But you also know there is a time for everything.. I appreciate your discretion. Your diligence and hard work is such an example to me. Know that I think of you often and pray for you just as much.

Jamie: What an encouragement to be able to witness the transformation God has brought to your life. Witnessing everything He’s brought you through has bolstered my faith to new levels. I enjoy the fellowship we have together and look forward to time spent with you. I cannot wait to see what God is going to do with us next!

BJ: You may not know it, but God has taught me a lot through our friendship. I appreciate that you are so gracious when Jordan and I have our “immature girly moments”. I’m comfortable around ya’ll, a miracle in itself! I appreciate your example of humility in home church. Thank you for speaking up when no one else wants to.

Deanna: What can I say? Thank you for being you. Thank you for never being afraid to speak what God has put on your heart. I appreciate your steadfast friendship. You model Christ to me in a way no one else does. I pray, not only that God would give me more friends like you, but that He would teach me to be a friend like you have been to me.

Lauren: You know my heart. You have shared in my sorrows and I in yours. Whenever I need someone to understand in every way I know that I can go to you. As Paul said in Philippians 1:7 – “I hold you in my heart.” You are held in my heart very dearly. I pray for you always. Your steadfast pursuit of the things of God spur me onward in Him. You sharpen me (..as iron..). I cannot begin to understand how someone as undeserving as I have a friend so faithful as you. Our friendship is such a testimony of the grace of God. You are closer than a friend - you are my sister. I love you more than you can know.

Jordan: I'm not even sure what I can say that you don't already know. You and I have been through it all - together. You know me like no one else and love me the same. You see past my faults to who I want to be in Christ and help me strive toward that end. I've said it before, but I say it again; God knew I needed you. I would never have made it this far without you by my side. I am so encouraged by the evidence of His work that I see in you. My gratefulness to the Lord is beyond measure for the gift of you. I love you all the way to the moon and back - for infinity!

My G.I.F.T. Girls: What a privilege I have to be able to fellowship with you all each week. I consider you my little sisters. You guys make me giggle - especially when you trip me! It's so exciting for us to be able to watch as God begins to show you things. You are growing in His wisdom and all I can do is praise God for the work He is doing in you! I cherish your friendships and love each of you.

To other families in The Body: Nan and Bro. Teryl, Penny, Bro. Danny and Mrs. Sara, Kandi and Darrin, Mrs. Michelle and Mr. Danny, Seth and Deb, Mrs. Vicki, Mrs. Beth M., Heather, Amber and Bryan.. I could keep naming people, but mostly I want to address those who I know read my blog. If I took the time to name all of the ways you've made an impact on me I would never sleep! So many of you are a part of my "multitude of counsel" and I count it a privilege to be able to say so. You've provided me with practical advice as well as Godly wisdom and encouragement. The fellowship in the light that we have shared has been invaluable to me. I have fun with ya'll no matter where we are or what we're doing. I have done nothing to deserve your friendship, but I praise God for His mercy that I have it. I love you all so much.

May God bless you as you continue to pursue Him!

Sweet Fellowship

2007-02-12T00:26:00.000-06:00

This morning was so refreshing. By "this" morning I mean Sunday morning. It's past midnight, but I can't sleep because I fell asleep reading this afternoon. We didn't get started until around 11am because of different stuff that was goin' on at the Hill household (ask Bob about that!). So at Jacobs suggestion we decided to eat first and commune over the meal. As everyone was finishing eating Bob started talking about 2 Thessalonians and things just flowed easily from there. I felt like there was a renewal of unity among us that we seem to have been lacking, or maybe it's just been me. We even had fun with conversation hearts during church and passed each other edible "love messages" while we talked.

I needed that. I'm afraid that I sometimes neglect to let my home church know how much I love them. I love the ease that we have with one another. I love how easily we laugh together (and at one another). Thank you for being gracious when you see our shortcomings. Being around you guys is refreshing to my spirit. Hearing your thoughts about the word and your heart on a matter God is showing you, builds my faith. God is doing unspeakable things in me right now. Your friendship and the fellowship in the light that we share is invaluable to me at this time. Thank you..

Grand Ole 52

2007-02-07T22:25:00.000-06:00

While BJ celebrates the past-the-200 mark on his blog, I am here to announce that I have only reached 52 posts. Not that I really care, I just thought I'd let you know. I know how boring it is to check someones blog every day and not see anything different for a week, so I apologize for my inactivity. I've not had the spare time to even read everyones blog (ahem.. Holly!).

Part of the delay has been getting settled in at work. For those of you who don't know, I've now been an employee of the State of Louisiana for a week. It was overwhelming at first with so many things to remember, but through the process of repitition it's becoming much easier. I'm even beginning to get close to the daily quota, which makes me very pleased. I enjoy my new job. It has good hours that afford me the time I need to come home and continue my culinary traning. So far I've had two successes this week. Thank you very much Deanna for your recipe for pork chops, and Deb for your suggestion of potatoes. I actually liked the pork chops for a change! But none of that really concerns many of you who read this.

The word that is burning in my heart right now is renewal. The definition of it is this: to make like new : restore to freshness, vigor, or perfection, to make new spiritually, to restore to existence, to make extensive changes in. It seems as though there isn't one area of my life that God isn't beginning to do this. The area of relationships is definately at the top of the list. God is making extensive changes. I feel like I'm facing the cleaning of worlds messiest walk-in closet. It's overwhelming. But I will cling to the hope of renewal.

Help! I'm a toe!

2007-01-30T22:56:00.000-06:00

This reminded me of the infamous "Help, I'm a bug!" I think it's funny. You can click on the image to make it bigger.

Those guys are kinda "amelia bedelia-ish". But they make a point. I think the original intent was to make a point about abbreviated bibles, but I think the point they make about how much sin consumes us is more important.

Who Said So? You're not my mother!

2007-01-30T10:12:00.000-06:00

Okay, for some reason Blogger would not let me sign in under "Old Blogger". Just a few moments before I'd signed Jordan in to check her comments (ya'll need to comment on hers by the way) and it worked just fine. But when I go to sign mine in it tells me I have to sign up to switch all my stuff over to some google related blog system or whatever. I'm mad. I tried to find my way around it but it simply would not let me log in. So I had no choice. I had to. I did not want to change it. Agh. Now I have to learn how this stupid thing works. And to make matters worse I now have to type in my email address to log in, which is even longer than my original login name! Grrrrr! Curse you Blogger system!

On another note, I am now officially employed with the State of Louisiana. I'm going to be working in the Dept. of Revenue doing "batching".. In other words, sorting tax forms and putting them into the right place to be processed. There are over 100 different types of tax forms. I have to know them all. Not right away but.. I don't like not knowing what I'm doing. It's somewhat of a confidence zapper. But that's okay. I'll get the hang of it pretty quick I'm sure. I'm excited to have a job where I wanted one.

Can I Live?

2007-01-29T17:04:00.000-06:00

Okay, I'd never even heard of Nick Cannon before ((sheltered)). Which, to all you youth blog-readers out there (Hannah that means you!), means that you should not go looking him up on the internet thinking he's this great anti-abortion Christian rapper. He's not. This is just a random good song he did. I found it on www.TheRebelution.com on the blog. It's run by Josh Harris' younger twin brothers and they've got some pretty good stuff to say. They were doing a series on pro-life stuff or something.

Here's the lyrics to the song for those of you who have a hard time understanding the language of this generation.

Can I Live?

I’m talking, mom, I know the situation is personal
But it’s something that has to be told
As I was making this beat
You was all I could think about
You heard my voice

Just think, just think…
What if you could just, just blink yourself away?
Just, just wait, just pause for a second
Let me plead my case

It’s the late seventies, you seventeen
And having me, that will ruin everything
It’s a lot of angels waiting on their wings
You see me in your sleep, so you can’t kill your dreams

Three hundred dollars, that’s the price of living?
Mommy, I don’t like this clinic
Hopefully you’ll make the right decision
And don’t go though with the knife decision

But it’s hard to make the right move when you in high school
Now you gotta work all day and take night school
Hopping on the bus and the rain is pouring
What you want, morning sickness or the sickness of mourning?
Can I live?

I’ll always be a part of you
Trust your soul, know it’s always true
If I could talk I’d say to you
Can I live?
Can I live?

I’ll always be a part of you
Trust your soul, know it’s always true
If I could talk I’d say to you
Can I live?
Can I live?

I’m a child of the King, ain’t no need to go fear me
And I see the flowing tears, so I know that you hear me
When I move in your womb that’s me being scary
‘Cuz who knows what my future holds?

The truth be told you ain’t told a soul
You ain’t even showing, I’m just two months old
Through your clothes try to hide me, deny me
Went up three sizes

Your pride got you lying, saying ain’t nothing but a migraine
It ain’t surprising you not trying to be in WIC food lines
Your friends look at you funny, but look at you mommy
That’s a life inside, take a look at your tummy

What is becoming, Ma? I’m Oprah bound
You can tell he’s a star from the ultrasound
Our spirits connected, doors open now,
Nothing but love and respect, thanks for holding it down
She let me live

I’ll always be a part of you
Trust your soul, know it’s always true
If I could talk I’d say to you
Can I live?
Can I live?

I’ll always be a part of you
Trust your soul, know it’s always true
If I could talk I’d say to you
Can I live?
Can I live?

It’s uplifing for real, y’all
I ain’t passing no judgement
Ain’t making no decisions
I’m just telling y’all my story

I love life, I love my mother for giving me life
We all need to appreciate life
And a strong woman who had to make a sacrifice

Thanks for listening…
Thanks for listening…
Momma, thanks for listening

Taking Care of the Ladies

2007-01-26T01:12:00.000-06:00

Taking Care of the Ladies

YES!! Are you guys paying attention? Take a good lesson from this 4 year old. I love this kid!! My dad needs to see this. He still isn't convinced that taking out the trash is a guys' job. Along with mowing the lawn. I'm glad to say that I know how to do it and that I'm not helpless but I still like to have a guy around to do that kinda stuff.

I love the "shoot the bad animals".. like big ferocious teddy bears!!!

Geez Louize!

2007-01-22T23:37:00.000-06:00

I just thought I would tell you all that Jordan is very believably the most ticklish person in the world. And it's such a delight to tickle her because she laughs so hard! She asked me to put shea butter on her feet for her a few minutes ago. This would be something that most people would relax and enjoy. Not Jordan. The second I put my hands on her foot she started to laugh uncontrollably. When I went to do her toes she said "NO! Not between my toes! I think I might die!!" It's rather amusing.

She used to have tickle fights with my dad until she was literally hanging off the edge of their very high bed, trying not to fall too hard, and screaming hysterically for someone to rescue her. When they try this in the back of the car.. is when they go too far!

Culinary Success... Finally!

2007-01-22T19:35:00.000-06:00

After many discouraging attempts at meals that please every member of my family, I have finally done it! I love it when I can get this much done. I got the house cleaned, my chores finished.. my room is still a wreck but that gives me something to do tomorrow. I made a Cheesy Chicken and Rice casserole - mexican style, with brown rice at Poppies insistence. It actually turned out really well. You couldn't even tell it was brown rice(It didn't look as good as the picture, but it tasted as good as that looks!). Then I seared wedges of cabbage in onion powder and butter - something I saw in Better Homes and Gardens. That was the favorite. I'm really happy that something I did actually came out okay on the first try! Right now I'm waiting for the Cherry Pie to set so we can cut it and top it with fresh whipped cream. I've been looking at it in the freezer for a while now needing an excuse to bake it.

Every now and again I need a little bolster like this to make me keep trying. I want to learn to cook so bad! My parents have perfected about 20 different things and they generally don't go beyond that stuff. If we get something different it usually comes out of a box. I get so tired of the same old stuff over and over. I need variety and I like to experiment.

So the adventure continues..

2007-01-18T23:42:00.000-06:00

A. Available or Single? Single.

B. Best friend? Jesus.

C. Cake or pie? Pie. My moms' 3 story pie. I think I might make some for Sunday.

D. Drink of choice? Ginger Ale - very, very dry. Like $6 per 12oz bottle.. mmmmm..

E. Essential item? My bible. If I have that, then lip gloss.

F. Favorite color? okay, okay.. I relent! Red. Officially.

G. Gummi bears or worms? Definately sour gummi worms, fresh from the factory so that you can stretch them out over a foot long.

H. Hometown? Good ol' Baker!

I. Indulgence? Ella Fitzgerald

J. January or February? February. It's not too cold, but you still get frost on the ground every now and again.

K. Kids and names? If the Wards have anything but girls we'll break records. I forgot my most recent favorite name. It was Scottish and it started with A.

L. Life incomplete without? The Lord, and fellowship in the light.

M. Marriage date? Far away.

N. Number of Siblings? Does this count in-laws? If not, 5. If so, 8.

O. Oranges or Apples? Oranges all the way. Apples have too much potential of being mealy. Oranges always taste good.

P. Phobias/fears? Failure, or being viewed that way.

Q. Favorite Quotation? Anything from Nemo.

R. Reason to smile? I've got the best family in the world (I mean that in an all encompassing manner)

S. Season? Fall (especially in other states, Alabama, Tennessee, and others) I love how the world becomes so colorful.

T. Tag three people: The people who would fill this out either have already done it, or are at Beta Convention. But I wouldn't mind if Bob or Sharon left a comment with it filled out.

U. Unknown fact about me: I'm vain about my lips.

V. Vegetable you hate: Tomatoes. If only because you add "es" instead of just "s". It makes no sense gramatically.

W. Worst habit? chewing on my nails if not chewing them off.

X. X-rays I’ve had: x-ray when I twisted my foot, Eco cardiogram/ultrasound when I've have tummy problems, Cat scan, and tooth x-rays.

Y. Your favorite food? potatoes

Z. Zodiac? sggitarius... I think. I don't care.

The West

2007-01-13T04:49:00.000-06:00

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The West Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.
The Midland
Boston
North Central
The South
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The Inland North
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Cake out my ears!!

2007-01-13T00:11:00.000-06:00

Aaahh.. It feels so good to sit down. I have to warn you, the only person who may be interested in reading this post is Holly.

I'm up to my elbows in cake and icing. But I love it! I never got to get creative like this at Baums. I'm constructing a wedding cake (I haven't even tasted it yet - the idea of anything sweet disgusts me right now) and I'm helping my mom with the grooms' cake. This is for my moms' best friend who just got remarried. She's having a reception here, after having her wedding in Minnesota. Ack, I just realized I still have to do a quick, 2 minute long power point tonight! I shouldn't be doing this. Oh well..

The groom has worked with trains or on trains all of his career, so we're doing a train shaped cake. We're modeling the engine after the kind of engine he works on (Big orange things!) and we're putting pictures of him and her waving outside the windows. The caboose is gonna say "Just Married" on the end of it. It'll be cute.

I have some leftover filling (strawberry cream cheese with buttercream icing) and a few leftover cake layers so if ya'll want to have cake for Sunday I can throw something together.

What are we having Sunday?? One thing we haven't done yet is any sort of seafood. Is anything in season right now? I want some fish.

The oven is beeping at me - gotta go!

These are a few of my favorite things!

2007-01-12T15:38:00.000-06:00

My Top 15 Favorite Places to Go
From start to finish

1. The State Capitol Parks. When we were little we used to go there all the time. We'd take our bikes and zoom down the hills. We'd ruin our favorite shirts rolling down them and attempting to use the steep ones as slides. That place holds some of my fondest memories. I like to take kids there and roll down the hills again. When I need to think, there's nothing better than sitting on the hill next to the Arsenal and looking out over the lake. I love it.

2. The Paperclips and surrounding fountains. Also known as the levee. Again these were my childhood stomping grounds. I learned to skip rocks on the banks of the Mississippi. We used to spit into the wind and watch it land in the river. There are countless memories there.

3. LASM. It used to be "LASC". We had a membership there when I was little. We would go every first Sunday of the month, when it was free. We'd get lunch at Capital Grocery, and Poppie would tell us stories of when he used to live downtown. It's changed so much now, but I still love going there.

4. My Gramma's house. I'm so relieved she decided not to move out after Grampa died. That house has the best memories. I think the thing that I love most about it though is the familiar way it smells.

5. My closet when I'm upset. I used to hide there every time I was upset and I didn't want anybody to hear me. I had it all set up in the very back where I could hide behind my sunday dresses on a toy box covered with spare blankets. When we moved that was one of the things I missed the most. I couldn't really hide in my new closet. I did figure out how to close myself in there though.

6. Bob and Sharons' I love ya'lls house. But more for the people in it than the surroundings themselves.

7. My sisters' house in Mobile. She's got the coolest upstairs apartment. But again I love it more for the company than the house itself. Wherever she lives her house always has a distinct "Joy" smell that's comforting.

8. The Ditch. Really it's a canal.. The deep one at the end of the neighborhood.. I'm not even going to bother explaining this one.

9. Port Hudson. We would go a lot when I was little and throw paper airplanes off the fire towers. They would land on the ground nose down and stick straight into the ground. I wanna go again. Anyone wanna go with me?

10. Tunica Hills. We go every year. Again there are many memories there.

11. St. Charles St Trolley at Christmas. We used to go every year and look at Christmas lights on all the old homes. We'll go back next year.

12. To Chili's with all my friends. You all know why. We need another Chili's excursion.. and that's exactly what it is with all you guys!

13. Anywhere that there's a group of us playing games.

14. A library. It doesn't really matter which one. I love the smell of the books. It's good to just go and read in a library every now and then.

15. The Baker Little league pond. We used to go all the time as kids to feed the ducks and play in the fountain.

And the topic is..

2007-01-12T13:26:00.000-06:00

You're 15 favorite places to go. Jordan picked it but I'm posting it because she's rather miserable. I gave her my bug. Isn't sharing nice?

The "Cake"

2007-01-06T10:59:00.000-06:00

For now it remains a mystery to Breigh as to what it will be. She may have a clue.. but not really! We shall see.. we shall see..

I will update you as it comes along.

I will post the pictures when they are emailed to me.

Cinema Wonders

2007-01-05T15:38:00.000-06:00

All I have heard Jordan say for the past 15 minutes are the words "Could you please direct me to electronics?...... Hi, do you have any Nintendo Wii?.. Okay, thanks.... (Dialing on her phone here).. Could you direct me to electronics?..." You get the idea. And she's saying it all in a voice a few octaves higher than her own. It's rather funny. She's desperate to find one!

Fifteen of my Favorite MoviesIn no particular order

1. Pride and Prejudice We "found God" in it, remember? But I really did.. but most of you don't know that did you? And isn't it funny that the best part of the film was never in the book?

2. Anne of Green Gables All of them, really all of them! "Criticize? Why that's not Christian! It's simply not Christian!", "To Despair is to turn your back on God.", "I don't want diamond sunbursts or marble halls.. I just want you." Carrots, and Anne with an "e".

3. Narnia It still amazes me how real everything looked. I can't wait for the next one! Jordan just reminded me that at one point I said I could marry Peter.

4. Little Women This movie has recently made its' way back into my heart after a lenthy absence. I think I spent many of my adolescent years imagining that I could be Jo. Though I now look on it with a new light and I think that the characters are slightly liberal, even in todays standards.

5. Dances with Wolves I watched this movie for the first time the other day and REALLY enjoyed it. I love the narration. Not to mention the dude's really cute once he loses the mustache.

6. Rigoletto It's like a real life Beauty and the Beast, but it has the best music ever! daaa-da-da-da-da-da, daaaa-da-da-da-da..

7. Peter Pan Not the animated one and not Hook. With the really really cute 14 year old that I swear to this day I would marry... If he weren't so much younger than me. Jordan says that I have a thing for guys named Peter. First the Narnia guy, now this one.

8. Anything with Jimmy Stewart Most notably "The Philadelphia Story" but also "Shop Around the Corner"(the original inspiration for "You've Got Mail"), There are many others but I can't remember their names right now.

9. Original Disney Animation: The Little Mermaid would have to be number one, with Cinderella second, Beauty and the Beast third, 101 Dalmations was pretty good too though.

10. Finding Nemo This movie should get an award for being the most quotable. So many great moments - the squishy, the little light at the depths, the sea turtles, the drop off, the "escape"! We need to watch it again.

11. Luther Ya'll may not have seen it but this is still one of my favorite "religious" movies.

12. One Night with the King I love it. I waited FOREVER for it to come out and had the release date marked on my calander for months! I read the book and literally fell in love. The only reason the movie was so good was because I'd read the book and could fill in where they left stuff out.

13. BBC Jane Eyre Great book, equally as wonderful movie.

14. Sister Act 1 and 2 Great music, and great story lines.

15. Pirates of the Carribean Kiera Knightly rocks. And Johnny Depp isn't bad either.

I'm sorry if you're dissapointed by the utter girliness of this list. I do like some action/adventure movies.. they're just not really in my TOP 15.

So it's a day late..

2006-12-30T19:05:00.000-06:00

Fifteen Good Things In My Life Right Now

1. God is faithful. Even when I am not.

2. My Family. I really am blessed with a couple of the most easygoing parents who love me dearly, and I love them.

3. A very sweet Kitty. She's sleeping under the Christmas tree right now.

4. Lovely rain. And being able to go to sleep at the sound of it.

5. Julie of the Wolves. It's a kids book that's been sitting on my shelf for years. I finally picked it up and read it. It's very good.

6. Nertz I just discovered it. It's lotsa fun.

7. Loaded Questions. We need to play that again.

8. Wonderful Church Family. You guys are more special to me that my real family. I really love all of you and I don't know what I'd do without you.

9. Soft Gloves. Thanks to Laurena.

10. Ginger Ale. That stuff is good.

11. Cough Syrup. There is no doubt in my mind that this stuff has actually saved my life multiple times in the past two days. Where would I be without it?

12. Christmas Trees. That people eventually discard so that we can decorate the yards of those we love.

13. Late night movies with friends. I love sitting in a theatre listening to my friends giggle.

14. IHOP I just remembered that we're eating there in the morning.

15. Sister Act. I'm watching it right now. It's a funny movie.

The Living Nightmare

2006-12-29T03:37:00.000-06:00

Yes, it is 3:37 AM, and I am sitting here at the computer. It seems that this coughing has coaxed it's way into my chest. I was very happy going to sleep because for the few hours beforehand I coughed very little and I thought it was over.. but then... not long ago, my dreams were rudely interrupted. It was as if someone announced "You are about to die from the never-ending cough." I even saw those words scroll across the back of my eyelids. I then proceeded to wake up coughing violently, unable to stop. Let me tell you this is a frightening experience, especially preceeded by such a disturbing thought. I was gagging, with tears pouring down my face, wondering when it was going to end. I wondered to myself "Is it really possible to die this way? It would be horrible to die coughing." Five minutes later after draining my water bottle to no avail I decided that I wasn't dreaming, I am in fact awake, and I can do something about this. As I stumbled out of my room I felt like I was in a nightmare. I flipped on as many lights as I could as I made my way to the kitchen, hoping to dispel the dream. Still coughing uncontrollably I leaned over a drawer frantically searching for a teaspoon to measure out cough syrup. The seconds crawled by.. Finally I pulled the right one from the drawer. I went to pour the cough syrup but had to wait a few seconds for the coughing to pause for a moment so that I wouldn't spill any of it. I've never been more glad to drink the stuff. Usually I gag it down and can only dream of swallowing by the utmost willpower, but this time I literally licked the spoon off. To my suprise it actually tasted good . The coughing gradually subsided, much to Jordans delight. I must've woke her while still in my room because she came angrily stomping through the living room looking for the laptop to play music on and drown me out. I don't blame her. If I had to listen to someone coughing nonstop for 15 minutes straight I would get aggravated too.

I don't know why I decided to blog this.. I guess because it's one of the most frightening things that's happened to me in a long time. I swear I wrote it exactly as it happened. I'm actually afraid to go back to sleep. I'm certainly not going back to bed - lying down doesn't help. And I don't know what I'll do if it happens again because I can only take that cough syrup every 6 hours. I feel like I could be still dreaming, but if that were true then I'd either still be coughing or be dead.. in my dream that is. Well I'm exhausted now.. I'm sure this will all be very comical in the morning, just right now it seems so scary.