Author of Faith, Eternal Word

This is a hymn by Charles Wesley


Author of faith, eternal Word,
Whose Spirit breathes the active flame;
Faith like its finisher and Lord,
Today as yesterday the same.

To Thee our humble hearts aspire,
And ask the gift unspeakable;
Increase in us the kindled fire,
In us the work of faith fulfill.

By faith we know Thee strong to save;
Save us, a present Savior Thou!
Whate’er we hope,
by faith we have
Future and past subsisting now.

To him that in Thy Name believes
Eternal life with Thee is given;
Into Himself He all receives,
Pardon and holiness, and heaven.

The things unknown to feeble sense,
Unseen by reason’s glimmering ray,
With strong commanding evidence
Their heavenly origin display.

Faith lends its realizing light,
The clouds disperse, the shadows fly;
Th’invisible appears in sight,
And God is seen by mortal eye.

I've got so much on my mind

Have to get it off my chest

Have to open up my mouth and speak the truth

I Let the little words out right

Leave the biggest stone unturned

It's like I'm trying to keep the light from taking root

But I'm never gonna clean this slate at the rate I'm going

Have to dig in to find the strength to follow through...

 

Cause if it were up to me

To pull myself out of this place

A failure's what I'd be without your grace

Cause it's never gonna wash me clean, this muddy water

Your rivers' the only thing to make me new...

 

...Cause I'm never gonna clean this slate at the rate I'm going

Have to dig in to find the strength to follow through...

 

This is part of a Jill Phillips song that I don't know the name to. The chorus doesn't really apply to me, so I left it out, but the verses do.

 

 

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Beware of the Stinging Nettle

Y'all ever heard of these things? I think it's something I may have heard of but didn't really know what they were. They're plants. They look like mint and they grow like mint - taking over and recreating wherever they are. Except the major difference is that they have tiny little thorns all over them that appear as "texture". These thorns immediately release some strange chemical into your fingers. We went hiking today and kept seeing these along the path and I was curious.. is it mint? (the ones we saw were much prettier than the picture) So I went to pluck a leaf and immediately pulled back my hand! It BIT ME! Weird thing is there were no thorns actually stuck in my fingers. It just felt like it. I thought it would go away after a few hours and the sensation has changed, but not diminished much. It feels like the ends of my left finger and thumb are asleep. When something touches them I get that strange waking-up-pins-and-needles sensation. Anyway. I just thought I would share so that you can avoid them too. It's not nice.

I Am the Church

I came across this video. It's really, really neat. SO amazing to see that there are so many around the world who say the same thing we do. 

I Can't Remember

I can't remember the last time that I've written with abandon. Written something for myself because I need to, because I want the release of seeing all of it typed in front of me instead of floating around in my head in unorganized, wandering thoughts. I think that's part of what my blog is for. Not always these lofty philosophical theologies and revelations. Not that those are bad. And I do want to write about that. The things that God has been revealing, the way He's been changing have been monumental. But what about the past few months? The months in which this blog has lay dormant. I feel a silent question from the readers - especially those who may not know me as well. What's happened?

 

A line from a Sara Groves song is circling my mind right now. "It's been a hard year, I'm climbing out of the rubble. These lessons are hard, healing changes are subtle. But every day.. It's less like scars... And more like character" I admit. I haven't much of a life to reflect on yet. But this has been one of the hardest years I've ever encountered. So difficult, so painful, but so gloriously victorious. Lets go backwards.

 

Start with December. My dad was admitted to the hospital at the beginning of the month, losing blood in places you don't want to lose blood. He lost so much at one point that he passed out and ended up in the ICU for days. They discovered a cancerous tumor in his colon. There was never an opportunity to be fearful. Immediately the body of Christ surrounded us on all sides. God gave us peace through every circumstance we faced. He brought our family together and gave us the comfort of HIS family. I had an entire month to simply cherish the LIFE of my dad. He was in and out of the ICU a couple times, but we got through it after 2 exhausting weeks. Gods timing was amazing! They removed the cancer and doctors now say that he is 95% CURED - something they rarely say to anyone. The chances of the cancer coming back are little to none.

 

Back up a little more. We had a week off of work and school due to a major Hurricane in September. Gustav hit Baton Rouge with more force than any hurricane for several years. Weird part is, the hurricane was great! We played in it and spent an inordinate amount of time with our family - the body of Christ (who, incidentally had power back after 2 days, while we had to wait a week!). But during that time the Lord was dealing with me emotionally. That was very weird to me. For so long I didn't think that He had anything to do with emotion. I've learned not to base my spiritual status on how I "feel".. In fact I think that's rather dumb and selfish. But there was years worth of anger and hurt built up in me that I had to deal with. The alternative to dealing with it was a heart hardened by bitterness. And I could see myself on that pathway very quickly. God gave me a major revelation on this passage from Hebrews 11:15, "Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled." But.. That's a blog post in itself.. He's still working on me to keep my heart clear.

 

In July we moved out. That was such a bittersweet experience! I think we were ecstatic to finally be on our own. Everything that happened leading up to moving out was difficult. But I knew that God had me in that season for a purpose and I was determined not to waste that time! Being surrendered to Him paid off in a big way. He changed me and my attitude.. And taught me some very valuable things during those 6 months. Like how to keep my mouth shut when it's difficult. How to serve and love when everything in your flesh says they don't deserve it.

 

“We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armor.  If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as a way in which they should break, so be it.”

 

I've put that quote on my blog before. But I think that now it sums up the last year for me. There has been love through suffering. And I can't remember a time when I've ever felt nearer to Him. Even when it seems He is the one doing the breaking. He has taught me to throw away the defenses and let myself be wounded. And He is healing deeper than I dreamed was possible.

Testing for Deanna

Y'all tell me if you see a picture.

****Edit: Okay it worked, Thanks!

I'm Still Here

For those of you who actually check this blog I just thought I'd drop you a note to say that I'm still here. I've thought of many various blog posts in the past month but before I get the chance to blog them, I discuss them with most of the people who care to know what I'm thinking - and by that time, what's the point it writing it down? It'd be a bit redundant.

It occurred to me last night that when I say, "I've been busy" it really isn't made up.. I really am. I realized that I have my weeknights scheduled Tuesday through Friday and usually Saturday. Monday nights are my only truly "open" nights! The time in between is spent cooking, cleaning, running errands, and more recently developing the hobbies usually ascribed to elderly women.. Jordan learned to knit, so I wanted to and taught myself from a YouTube Video. Yet further proof that this is the "digital age". And we are putting together our first puzzle in years.

Another point of interest: I am currently engrossed in reading a little piece of Baton Rouge history. It's a hand-written log book from a Hippie Crisis Call Center/Charity of sorts called "The Genesis House". It was recorded over 35 years ago! My dad actually used to work there and knew many of the people who wrote in it. My American History teacher was a crock so I'm learning all these things about that era as a whole right now - about the Vietnam War, Roe V. Wade, and so on and so forth. Reading this book is like reading a bunch of random diary entries. Some are really funny but others are genuinely heartbreaking.

I hope to do some writing about it. I want to take some pictures of it and post them too.. Some of the entries are really funny. I'm trying to do some research about the things going on in Baton Rouge during that time frame (June through September of '71) but this is one instance where Google doesn't prove to be very useful. I'm grateful for the privilege of having access to the State Library.

Who's on First??!!??

Open Letter to Whole Foods Guy

Dear Whole Foods Guy,

Tonight I entered your store on a mission. At the restaurant next door one of my best friends sat leaning over a table looking sick with the pain consuming her head. This, from the girl who bikes into the woods for fun, emerging bruised, scratched and exhausted but grinning. So I was highly concerned, and as I said, on a mission. Discouraged after scanning over aisles and seeing only labels for vitamins, herbs, homeopathic remedies and essential oils, I approached you. Yes, you. With your hair longer than mine, square wire rimmed glasses, and crooked apron. Great, I thought. One of these. 

My face began to flush while I stared at the organic remedies in on the shelf in front of me. I stammered with an urgency, "Look, I know y'all have all this all natural stuff, but I have a friend with a severe headache and I need something - Ibuprofen, Excedrin, Tylenol, Anything!" I looked up to see you shaking your head emphatically before I even finished the words. Oh great, here it comes. I was officially embarrassed and blushed to prove it. What was I thinking that I would find real medicine in Whole Foods??? You walked down the aisle a few steps and crouched in front of the bottom shelf to show us a few things. I thought surely you were avoiding showing me where the things I wanted were located because you couldn't let me "poison" my friend with such items. The first thing you showed us was some sort of Bark. Willow Bark I believe. Very similar to the ingredients in aspirin. Then there was some sort of herbal remedy, and lastly the essential oil version of "Head On". I couldn't believe I was standing there wasting my time this way, and stared at the floor behind you thinking, "Now what??" Meanwhile my sister gawked at the digital price tag - $21.99 for Bark? Are you JOKING? You explained that you couldn't carry the items I asked for because of chemicals in the coatings. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

I think you saw that I wasn't buying it - the product or your sales pitch. You stood upright then and lowered your voice a notch saying, "Well, there's a gas station about a block that way, and a grocery store about a minute further that direction.." You hesitated when I shook my head and told you that we didn't drive, but walked over from the restaurant next door. "Oh, you're on foot..." We sort of stood there all staring at each other while I tried to come up with something we could do. It's New Orleans. I wasn't walking a block away at 8:00 at night. I think we must have looked awfully worried because the next thing you said was something like, "You know what? Don't worry about it. I'll find something. I'll have someone look in the back, and I'll get something for you. Would you prefer something specific?" Shocked, but hopeful I told you ibuprofen would be good, but we'd take anything. I couldn't say thank you enough! You went to have someone take care of it.

While we lingered in the aisle staring aimlessly at items we knew nothing about you went about helping other customers. You paused to assure us that you were available if we needed you and that someone would be returning soon. I saw you answer a telephone and from a distance could tell that you were discussing us. I heard you say, "No, Just get whatever you can find, as much as you can get!" You looked to us to confirm that there was no allergy to aspirin. After hanging up you told us it would only be a few more minutes. 

The minutes crawled by and as they did I was replaying in my mind my friends reaction when I asked her what kind of medicine she wanted. Her eyes grew as big as saucers when she asked with surprised relief, "You have something??!" I told her no, but that I was going to get it. From that point all I got out of her were mumblings that she would be fine and other such incoherent nonsense. I knew better. 

Shortly though a bearded employee came down the aisle in your direction with something in his hand. We smiled and watched him pass. Before he interrupted you with your customer he turned back to us and asked, "Are you the ones with the friend...?" My relief was palpable as I said yes and he reached to place two small packets of medicine in my hand. I tried to press a couple of bills into his hand in return, thanking him profusely and insisting he take it for all his trouble. It was more than obvious that it required a wild goose chase to track down any real medicine in that place! He refused though after several attempts and finally told me, "Give it to him!"

You were still helping a customer further down the aisle but I saw you were keeping an eye on the interchange. I took the bills back regretfully and tried to come up with a way to give them to you without making your customer aware of what was going on. As I approached you I decided that the easiest way to make you accept it was to slip it into the large pocket of your hopelessly skewed apron. I did just that, without pausing to say anything so you would have no opportunity to return it. By the time you realized what happened I was too far away for you to give it back easily, but still you called after me, "No, you don't have to do this!" I turned around and said, "Thank you SO MUCH! You don't know how much we appreciate it!!" but kept walking towards the door, clutching my prize. My sister, who was several feet behind me caught on when you turned around to look for her, but she dashed around to the next aisle before you could reach her either. I looked back again in time to hear you exhale exasperatedly and see you blush to your hairline, but smile nonetheless. All I could do was grin unrepentantly and wave while I walked out of sight. 

Yes, in the beginning I stereotyped you very erroneously. I think you taught me a lesson in that regard. I believe I experienced a Random Act of Kindness tonight. The kind that makes me wonder if you are a child of The Way, or simply someone who was raised in the generous atmosphere that seems to permeate native New Orleanians. You did something that you did not have to do. You went to a great effort to help us, though no one asked you to. And you expected nothing in return, which made it all the more precious. And I want you to know that it made a very distinct impression on me. As silly as it is to say it again... thank you.

I must pay my respects

... because I said I would! So by the way y'all, Dave gets another blog award. Not only for blogging more than all of us put together in a week, but for being very obliging and playing his sax for us Sunday!! He's gotten very good!! I will definitely be one of those people venturing out to whatever Christmas parade he's going to be marching in!

We're Fine!

Hey there y'all!

I just wanted to let you know that we weathered the storm just fine! There were massive power outages though - this is the worst hurricance Baton Rouge has seen since the sixties. We're under a curfew from dusk to dawn every evening until further notice. We JUST got power and cable back, obviously, but 85% of the parish is still in the dark. I think 100% was out for quite a while there. It was insane. First time that's ever happened. Jordan won't be in school the rest of the week, and I won't be at work at least tomorrow, we'll see about the rest of the week...

Anyway, our cell service is spotty at best, even text is messed up. At&t is having major issues.

Love y'all! Thanks for your prayers!!!!!

God in a Box

Literally. A big ugly concrete one.

Okay so I was on my way home today and was listening to NPR. Yes. I am an NPR fan. When the news isn't sickeningly repetitive.

So anyway, this story caught my attention when they led up to it with the phrase, "Church congregation wants to tear down their building. But they can't - stay tuned to hear why." (paraphrased) You can read the whole story here. So anyway, to paraphrase, this congregation wants to tear down their big ugly block of concrete (the church was built in the 70's in the popular "brutalism" style) and build a new church building, but the city won't let them because it's been made into a historic landmark. The church is suing the city claiming that this infringes on their freedom of religion. This is their logic, "Nothing expresses a church's religious exercise more than its architecture. And this architecture does not express our theology and our exercise. Brutalism is not our religious expression." My mouth dropped open at that.

This is what the experts have to say about it. "But it's going to be tough to win in court. Robert Tuttle, a church-state expert at George Washington Law School, says cost and inconvenience are not enough. The church must show its expression of religion is "substantially burdened." Courts have different standards on what that means, but often it's a high bar. Namely, he says, church members must show they cannot practice the religion without overhauling or demolishing it. "

Alright, that last sentence was when I started laughing. I think this is highly ironic considering that "God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands." (Acts 17:24) I'm seriously considering emailing the district attorney of Washington DC with that scripture and telling them to use the bible against this congregation in this case!! I personally think it would be hilarious! But I don't think it would very effective considering this is a "Christian Science" church.

***Shamless plug*** DAVE wins this weeks award for the most spectacular blog post!!! Congratulations Dave. You are the most brilliant 13 year I know (no offense Leslie, but he takes the cake with this one!)

I like this

...I am just like any other girl, and I love happy endings, and hand me a chick flick anytime, but the realization hits me that this is not what true love is about. It is not when the boy meets girl, and their eyes lock and it is love at first sight. It is not the Happily Ever After, and no, it is not roses and chocolate on Valentines.

Love is a bloodstained cross...

I read this paragraph in an article I was reading and that section just really stuck out to me. I guess because of the stark contrast in the description of the two things. The truth of it just stuck out to me. Love is not at all those mushy gushy things we're sort of trained to think it is from the time we're little kids. It's sacrifice. Sacrifice in so many ways. Thinking of others higher than yourselves.... and when I think of love in that way suddenly I see how many people love me so much. And It spurs me on to love through good works. (Hebrews 10:24) Anyway.. just a tidbit I thought I'd throw out there.

Tornado

Wow.. Only a few of you know why the title to this song is SO freakishly ironic. It took me a while to find it because I never dreamed that was the title! Anyway, I've had a line from this Sara Groves song stuck in my head for over a week now..

You live your life like a tornado.
Destruction follows everywhere you go.
And you have no plans to stop or slow (oh).
I will not let this bitter root grow in me.
I will not let you leave that legacy,
But it gets so hard when pain is all I see (oh).

And every time I find healing, you're making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.

And I tried to remove myself from your path,
But I keep on waking up in the aftermath.
So I pick up again and say I won't look back (oh).
And I will not let this bitter root grow in me.
I will not let you leave that legacy,
But this constant fight is breaking me (oh).

And every time I find healing, you're making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.

And it hurts when you hit at the hearts of the ones I love;
When everything you touch is rubble and dust.
And it gets so hard to know how to trust,
But I will not let that bitter root grow.
I will not let it, no no.
But it gets so hard (oh).

And every time I find healing you're making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.
And I could move and never send you a forwarding address,
Or I could learn the real meaning of forgiveness.

More Holiness Give Me

This cry comes from the very depths of my heart right now, of where the Lord has me and how He's dealing with me..


More holiness give me, more strivings within.
More patience in suffering, more sorrow for sin.
More faith in my Savior, more sense of His care.
More joy in His service, more purpose in prayer.

More gratitude give me, more trust in the Lord.
More zeal for His glory, more hope in His Word.
More tears for His sorrows, more pain at His grief.
More meekness in trial, more praise for relief.

More purity give me, more strength to o'ercome,
More freedom from earth-stains, more longings for home.
More fit for the kingdom, more useful I'd be,
More blessèd and holy, more, Savior, like Thee.

- Hymn by Philip Paul Bliss

The Summer Chronicles

That's going to be the name of our Video Blogging series. I realize it's kinda dumb considering this summer is already halfway over, but the rest of the summer is going to be busy so it'll be okay!

Just wanted to let y'all know that the first "Episode" is in the works if I can figure out why the computer doesn't like the video files off my dads camera.

Announcements

I know, I've blogged twice in one week! It's a miracle!! Especially considering how long this blog has remained virtually dormant. 

Though this post will be brief. I have two things to announce.

1) Many of our close friends already know this but I figure it's about time to tell everyone - officially - Jordan and I will be moving out of our parents house in the next two weeks. We're going to be moving in 10 minutes away with a single lady in our church body who has an extra room and bathroom in her apartment. We're excited and nervous all at once! In the past month God has just made it increasingly apparent that this is what we're supposed to do and we trust that He will be faithful to see us through all the changes and transitions we'll be making...

2) Lauren, Jordan and I are going to attempt to "video blog" this summer. We were discussing this evening how none of us have much time these days to sit down and type out all the things that are happening in our lives, all the things that God is revealing. It's a lot easier to say it than it is to type it out. Since we all have webcams and/or digital cameras we figured it shouldn't be all that difficult. So... yes it's going to be awkward at first, but we hope you guys will give us grace in that respect.. and don't laugh too hard!! Haha.. Those of you who like the idea are more than welcome to join us in this! We hope that it'll catch on, but we'll just have to see.

Changes

Have you guys noticed that among our circle of friends the phrase, "God is doing a lot right now." has become an almost cliché generalization at this point? I've been guilty of saying it far too often myself, not knowing how to sum up in a couple of sentences the things that are happening so deeply inside me that there almost can be no words. Unfortunately right now you're going to have to live with the generalizations.. I'm trying to keep them to a minimum but if you know me you know what I'm talking about. Haha..

 

At the beginning of this year God made it very clear to us ("us" being my sister and I in particular) that we are going to do a lot of growing up, in more ways than one. As I reflect over the last 6 months I can see where some of that has taken place. I determined early on that the Lord was going to allow me to stay just uncomfortable enough not to stay where I was at, but to continue pressing forward in Him. Uncomfortable is an understatement. He has pushed and shoved on me until my old "comfort zones" no longer exist. It's been encouraging though because in the process He has changed my heart, my mind, even my train of thought and emotions. The way I react to things now is totally different from the way I did 6 months ago. I will never cease to be amazed when I suddenly realize, "Wow.. He changed me and I didn't even know it.. He is faithful."

 

Though this is only the beginning. I'm about to go through one of the biggest "growth spurts" of my life, and I can already feel the growing pains. Life as I know it is about change. Drastically. I can't even begin to anticipate all the things I'll be facing in the coming months. But one thing I know beyond a shadow is that "His mercy endures forever!" If the Lord has shown me anything recently it's that He gives us the grace to get through each moment as we approach it. I can't ask for any more than that.

 

He IS the God "Who remembered us in our lowly state, For His mercy endures forever; And rescued us from our enemies, For His mercy endures forever; Who gives food to all flesh, For His mercy endures forever; Oh give thanks to the God of Heaven, For His mercy endures forever!" Psalm 136

This is hysterical!

Make Me a Captive Lord

Make me a captive Lord and then I shall be free

Force me to render up my sword and I shall conqueror be

I sink in life's' alarm when by myself I stand

Imprison me within Thine arms and strong shall be my hand

My heart is weak and poor until it's master find

It has no spring of action sure, it trembles with the wind

It only stands unbent amid the clashing strife

When on Thy bosom it is bent and found in Thee it's life

(Hymn quoted by Ravenhill. He didn't mention the author)

"Like the railroad. While the train runs there it's captive to the rails, but it's free to go to speed."

~Leonard Ravenhill

I want to be captivated by Him! The whole bond slave idea - free, but bound... It's hard to comprehend. This never made sense to me until I heard the quote above.. like a train - bound to the rails, doomed to wreck otherwise, but completely free to go as fast and as straight as I possibly can. Knowing that when I am BOUND to Him I will never miss the mark, just as a train has no choice but to reach the station at the end of the line.

Modern American Christianity has taught us that "freedom" is a goal - something to achieve in the Christian life. Questions like "Have you claimed your freedom?", "Are you free from _____ yet??" are asked - as if it's a one time occurrence. It seemed to me for years like it was an unobtainable goal, reserved only for the most "elite" in Christianity. But it's not. Freedom is something we walk in - constantly. If you are a Christian you are free. Period. Free from sin and bound to Christ. It's one of those things that's almost unutterable. You can't really explain it. I have this picture in my head of what it's like but I can't bring words to it! Paul tries to describe it in Romans with words that have made my head spin for years! But it's like today a light went off and I really got it. Free... like a kite is free.. Soaring in the wind but still held by a tether and controlled by my Master. There is so much security in that.

I think I've always interpreted the word "freedom" in the bible according to the worlds standard of what "freedom" is. And there is no comparison between the two concepts! When I step back and look at these seemingly "little" things I'm amazed that I never saw it that way before when it's so simply explained in the word of God. I look at it and go, "Wow.. that's so elementary." And it shows me that I'm only just beginning to learn the elementary things. The basics. All the "pat answers" are flying out the window. Here is evidence yet again of the Lord changing the way that I think... So now that I see it, I must walk in it. Repentance must always produce action...