This is hysterical!

Make Me a Captive Lord

Make me a captive Lord and then I shall be free

Force me to render up my sword and I shall conqueror be

I sink in life's' alarm when by myself I stand

Imprison me within Thine arms and strong shall be my hand

My heart is weak and poor until it's master find

It has no spring of action sure, it trembles with the wind

It only stands unbent amid the clashing strife

When on Thy bosom it is bent and found in Thee it's life

(Hymn quoted by Ravenhill. He didn't mention the author)

"Like the railroad. While the train runs there it's captive to the rails, but it's free to go to speed."

~Leonard Ravenhill

I want to be captivated by Him! The whole bond slave idea - free, but bound... It's hard to comprehend. This never made sense to me until I heard the quote above.. like a train - bound to the rails, doomed to wreck otherwise, but completely free to go as fast and as straight as I possibly can. Knowing that when I am BOUND to Him I will never miss the mark, just as a train has no choice but to reach the station at the end of the line.

Modern American Christianity has taught us that "freedom" is a goal - something to achieve in the Christian life. Questions like "Have you claimed your freedom?", "Are you free from _____ yet??" are asked - as if it's a one time occurrence. It seemed to me for years like it was an unobtainable goal, reserved only for the most "elite" in Christianity. But it's not. Freedom is something we walk in - constantly. If you are a Christian you are free. Period. Free from sin and bound to Christ. It's one of those things that's almost unutterable. You can't really explain it. I have this picture in my head of what it's like but I can't bring words to it! Paul tries to describe it in Romans with words that have made my head spin for years! But it's like today a light went off and I really got it. Free... like a kite is free.. Soaring in the wind but still held by a tether and controlled by my Master. There is so much security in that.

I think I've always interpreted the word "freedom" in the bible according to the worlds standard of what "freedom" is. And there is no comparison between the two concepts! When I step back and look at these seemingly "little" things I'm amazed that I never saw it that way before when it's so simply explained in the word of God. I look at it and go, "Wow.. that's so elementary." And it shows me that I'm only just beginning to learn the elementary things. The basics. All the "pat answers" are flying out the window. Here is evidence yet again of the Lord changing the way that I think... So now that I see it, I must walk in it. Repentance must always produce action...

Rise Up and Walk - or Rebel

It seems lately that every time I turn around I'm mentioning our GIFT girls on here. For those of you who read this that don't know (all 2 of you) GIFT is "Girls In Fellowship Together" - a group of 9-13 year old girls who we meet with every Tuesday night to discuss the things the Lord has put on our hearts, and, right now, to study the Doctrines of Christ with.

This week we began our study as we usually do - asking the girls what the Lord has shown them in the word, or what He's laid on their hearts that week. We're never dissapointed by their responses! It's always encouraging to hear the things that the Lord is doing in and through them. And they're hilarious. They never cease to challenge me to look at things from a different perspective. It's amazing. So tonight it was just myself and 3 of the girls in our local Starbucks. They sipped on decaf while I enjoyed my java chip. (Trust me, the sugar alone generated enough senseless giggling, forget caffeine!!) So after the girls shared, I decided to share with them what God's been speaking to me for the past couple of weeks. A bit ago he dropped the phrase into my heart, "Rise up, Take your bed, and go." I kept hearing it and seeing it in everything I read, telling me to take action, keep moving, keep pressing in. I never actually looked up the story where that phrase is found until this weekend though. It's where Jesus heals the paralytic (Luke 5:20-26);

When He saw their faith, He said to him, “Man, your sins are forgiven you.” And the scribes and the Pharisees began to reason, saying, “Who is this who speaks blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God alone?” But when Jesus perceived their thoughts, He answered and said to them, “Why are you reasoning in your hearts? Which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven you,’ or to say, ‘Rise up and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has power on earth to forgive sins”—He said to the man who was paralyzed, “I say to you, arise, take up your bed, and go to your house.” Immediately he rose up before them, took up what he had been lying on, and departed to his own house, glorifying God. And they were all amazed, and they glorified God and were filled with fear, saying, “We have seen strange things today!”

So perhaps this is obvious, but it looks like to me that the evidence of the man being forgiven was the fact that he got up and walked away! He didn't just sit there, or argue saying, "But I'm paralyzed. What do you mean walk??" He obeyed, and God received glory as a result! So I was discussing this with the girls and asking them what they thought would've been the consequences had the man just sat there... then one of them turned and looked at me and matter of factly said something that never occurred to me before, "He would've been in rebellion." I was stunned for a moment and wanted to say, "Wait a minute... repeat that??" It all became clear. Suddenly I put myself in that place. If I don't choose to walk in obedience to the simple things the Lord is telling me to do - then I walk in open rebellion. Now that I look at it, it seems so obvious. I want to kick myself and ask, "Why didn't I see that before??" But another part of me is delighted that God chose to use the mouth of a young girl and the simplicity of her perspective, to put me into my place. I am so thankful for those girls. God knew just what I needed when he brought each of them into my life! They are such a blessing!


So, will you take the challenge? Walk in the forgiveness that He's offered. DO something. Don't just sit there. Take action. Stir yourself up.... Or else, in the words of a girl... rebel...

He's Alive

So, I had a whirlwind weekend in Dallas over Easter. Some of you might wonder, "She went out of town over Easter? Away from her family? On purpose?" The answer is yes. And there's a reason for that, other than the fact that my friends are just overly generous! A few weeks ago in our GIFT study we discussed the story where Jesus resurrected Lazarus.

Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again." Martha said to Him, "I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day." Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. "And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?" She said to Him, "Yes, Lord, I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God, who is to come into the world."

( I want to make it clear that this is not my original thought, but Bro Teryls - I just got a really clear understanding of it recently.) The point Bro Teryl makes in the study is that Jesus was trying to get Martha to understand that The Resurrection is not necessarily an event but a person. Jesus Christ - The resurrection and the life - inside of us, living His life through us walking in the Spirit, walking in newness of life. In light of this, I got to thinking... Easter really doesn't make sense. To celebrate The Resurrection once a year - not to mention all the pointless and ridiculous traditions that surround it - is absurd. We should celebrate The Resurrection inside of ourselves every day if we're truly walking as He has called us to walk. The holiday no longer holds any value to me whatsoever. It's just another day, which is why I didn't think twice about being out of town... Even the Passover, which is generally celebrated in conjunction with the Pagan "Easter", shouldn't be a once a year celebration. Jesus instructed His disciples to break the bread in remembrance of Him - each time you do these things, do them in remembrance of Him. We "break bread" together every week as a part of our "love feast"!

That being said, I had a great time in fellowship with the brothers and sisters up in Texas. Gina in Mabank started off the meeting by singing this song for us - unacompanied! It was gorgeous!!

The gates and doors were barred and all the windows fastened down; I spent
the night in sleeplessness and rose at every sound, Half in hopeless sorrow and
half in fear the day, Would find the soldiers breakin' thru to drag us all away

And just before the sunrise I heard something at the wall, The gate began
to rattle and a voice began to call; I hurried to the window and looked down
into the street, Expecting swords and torches and the sounds of soldier's feet

There was no one there but Mary so I went down to let her in; John stood
there beside me as she'd told us where she'd been. She said "They moved Him in
the night and none of us knows where; The stone's been rolled away and now His
body isn't there!"

We both ran t'ward the garden, then John ran on ahead; We found the stone
and empty tomb just the way that Mary said. But the winding sheet they wrapped
Him in was just an empty shell; And who or where they'd taken Him was more than
I could tell.

Well, something strange had happened there, but just what I didn't know;
John believed a miracle but I just turned to go. Circumstance and speculation
couldn't lift me very high 'Cause I'd seen them crucify Him, then I saw Him die.

Back inside the house again the guilt and anguish came; Everything I'd
promised Him just added to my shame. When at last it came to choices, I denied I
knew His name; And even if He was alive, it wouldn't be the same

But suddenly the air was filled with a strange and sweet perfume; Light
that came from everywhere drove shadows from the room. Jesus stood before me
with His arms held open wide; And I fell down on my knees, and just clung to Him
and cried.

He raised me to my feet and as I looked into His eyes, Love was shining
out from Him like sunlight in the skies, Guilt in my confusion disappeared in
sweet release, And every fear I'd ever had just melted into peace

CHORUS He's alive! He's alive, He's alive and I'm forgiven! Heaven's
gates are open wide: He's alive, He's alive, oh He's alive and I'm forgiven
Heaven's gates are open wide He's alive, He's alive, hallelujah He's alive

I found out later that this is actually a country song. All I could think about the entire time I listened was "Lord, Help my unbelief!!" Leonard Ravenhill says all the time that the resurrection morning must've been one of the most dissapointing days of Jesus life. How many times did He teach His disciples that He would be raised?? And He found them cowering in a little room above someones house in despair.. The thing that sticks out to me most right now about that situation is that the disciples didn't stay there. They didn't continue to hide in shame for what they'd done - they got out into the city and spread the word. They did something!!

Lord help my unbelief and show me what you want me to DO!

The Martyrs Prayer

This is a good reminder I think. And just good to listen to if you haven't heard it before..



Disclaimer: I am not a supporter of GodTube, at all! I think that's just about the dumbest idea anyone's ever had.... but YouTube wouldn't let me post it and it was in 2 pieces on YouTube anyway.. So yeah..

I Miss Real Blogging... Still.

I just spent the last 10 minutes looking over the past year or two of Laurens blog trying to find a quote she'd put up there from The Martyrs Prayer that is no longer there. At least I would swear it was her.. for some reason it's not there. Anyway.. It just made me ache. Somewhere deep inside me. A little pang remembering the innocence of youth.... Okay so maybe you all know I like to dramaticize things a bit too much. Haha.. It's just.. wow.. where are the days where we all actually had time for these things?? When did we get so busy that we just let it go? When did I get so careful that I couldn't even just stop by to pour out a few thoughts and ponderings for my friends to wonder with me on? Does that even make sense? When did I make this rule that everything I put on here has to be well thought out and planned and there has to be hours of contemplation and notes on it?? I've had this Keith Green song on my heart all week long.. did I put it on here? No. Why not? Why can't I just stop here for a few minutes?

You know what the problem really is though... I miss fellowship. And I'm not saying that Sunday morning's at Bob's isn't fellowship! This Sunday was GREAT! Time spent in communion with the Lord together is so refreshing. Those moments of content silence... everyone's bellies full on one of my favorite meals... It was wonderful! But I miss that spontaneous fellowship that we used to have all the time. Anywhere, anytime, whether on the phone, or across an invisible internet connection, or in the grocery store, or what-ever! I guess a big part of that is my fault. It's my responsibility to my brothers and sisters in the Lord to make that happen. I miss you guys. Amber, Holly, Jamie, even Lauren, Penny, Kandi, Nan, the Jacksons entire Home Church, Deanna to name a few... And I don't even think half of you read this but I want you to know that I'm thinking of you. And you still hold a very special place in my heart.... I don't know why I'm even writing this. I guess as a challenge to myself to MAKE it happen this week. To really sow some time and effort into rebuilding relationships that I've let fall to the wayside. To put aside my own agenda and really show my friends that I love them. We talked about it this morning.. laying down your life for your friend.. I don't think I get it. It's not just being willing to jump in front of a train for someone, but actually putting aside your own life and investing in theirs. I want to know the things that God is showing y'all. I want you to know what the Lord is doing in me!! I miss that constant witness of the spirit that builds my faith so much!!

So it's not really the blogging that I miss as much as the people - the involvement in each others lives. I'm resolving here and now to change that.

FYI this is the first post I'm making from me and Jordans new computer!!!

The Porcelain Heart

Once upon a time, not so long ago, a man loved a little girl. He watched her grow up and knew her in every way. He loved her as His own and she loved Him in her youthful innocence. They spent many nights together talking, playing and laughing. One night like this He presented her with a gift He created for her. In wonder the little girl, who was becoming a young lady, lifted a perfect, beautiful porcelain heart out of the box. She marveled at its' beauty and treasured it close for a long time. Her Guardian offered to keep it safe for her on numerous occasions but she always laughed Him off, wanting to show the world the beauty of the heart He'd made her. As she grew older the time she spent with this man grew sparse. There were some days where things would be as they were when she was little, and in those moments He would plead with her to let Him guard the heart, warning her of its' fragility. But she held onto it, dismayed that He would try and take something so precious to her.

The two grew further apart and before she realized what was happening the little girl, now a young lady, was swept off of her feet by a handsome young man. He showered her with praises, exclaiming of her beauty. The young lady was sure that when she showed him her beautiful porcelain heart he would be awed as she was at this treasure. So she gave it to the young man in hopes of showing him how much she'd grown to love him. She trusted him to protect it for her. For a while he did. Then he grew a little careless. Over time it got some chips and cracks in it but wasn't completely ruined. The girl expressed her disappointment but the young man promised to be more careful and repair it, so she let him keep it. Weeks went by and the cracks in the heart only grew. Finally she made a decision. She had to get her heart back and leave. So, she timidly approached the young man who still held the heart loosely in his hand. When she reached for it he held it out to her saying, "Take it, I have no use for something so delicate. It's worthless to me." Once the heart was in her possession she turned and ran - hard, fast, and long. As soon as the young lady was far enough away from the handsome young man she fell to the ground and wept, for in all that happened the heart was shattered into bits and pieces. Her beautiful porcelain heart was destroyed. Only the skillful hand of the master craftsman could repair it.

She slowly turned in the direction of the home of her Guardian, knowing there was nowhere else for her to go. It was a long journey and she went over and over what she would do and say. The last thing she wanted to do was show Him the heart broken as it was. She could imagine the disappointment in His eyes. On her way back she tried many things to put it back together and some would work… for a while… and then it would break all over again. Still she continued on. Just when she got to the door of her Guardian's home she concealed the pieces of the heart in her clothing, deciding not to reveal its' brokenness. He opened the door and embraced her warmly with tears streaming down His face. The young lady sobbed brokenly, muttering apologies for not coming sooner. She was taken in, cleaned up, given new clothes to wear and her old room back. For many days she rested in her room, all the while wondering what to do with the broken heart. She and her Guardian went on daily walks where they talked about all manner of things, but He never asked her about it. He just waited. Many weeks went by, becoming months, and the girl couldn't bring herself to show Him the pieces of the once beautiful porcelain heart.

One evening they sat together watching the sunset in content silence. She sighed and leaned back soaking up the last bit of the suns warmth. As the final rays disappeared on the horizon He stood, looked at her, and said, "It’s time." Her heartbeat accelerated while she looked up at Him, knowing He was right. So, she got up and led the way to her room. There she opened a small chest that held the pieces of her heart and pulled out each one, laying them on the table like a scattered puzzle. They were there for what seemed like hours while she cried and told Him the story. He simply looked at her with compassion, carefully collected each piece, and without a word slipped out the door. That night she she slept soundly, relieved that she no longer had to protect the secret of her heart.

The heart was not mentioned, and the young lady knew without asking that He would take care of it. Months went by. Months that she spent learning under her guardian and talking with Him. During this time she grew and was nourished and healthy. There were occasions in which she wondered what became of the broken pieces but she never asked.

One morning as she was going about her daily chores and studies her Gaurdian came in and pulled her aside. With a radiant grin on His face He pulled a box from behind His back and held it out to her. Not believing what her eyes were telling her was true she stared, open-mouthed. In slow-motion she opened the box and uncovered… a porcelain heart. Not just any heart, her porcelain heart. It wasn't exactly the same as the one she had before, but more spectacular and beautiful. There were no cracks, no chips, just the purest porcelain. As silent, joyful tears slipped down her cheeks she reached into the box and tenderly pulled out the heart, admiring its' smooth texture. With careful movements the young lady knelt before this man and held the heart out to Him saying, "This heart can only ever belong to one person... it's maker. You alone are worthy of such a beautiful treasure. I love you Jesus."

The End