Thursday, September 06, 2007

His Plan for Me

When I stand at the judgment seat of Christ
And He shows His plan for me
The plan of my life as it might have been
Had He had His way, and I see

How I blocked Him here, and I checked Him there
And I would not yield my will
Would there be grief in my Saviors eyes
Greif, though He loves me still

Would He have me rich, and I stand there poor
Stripped of all but His grace
While memory runs like a hunted thing
Down the paths I cannot retrace

Lord, of the years that are left to me
I give them to thy hand
Take me, and break me, and mold me
To the pattern which thou has planned
- unknown author, Quoted by Ravenhill

I've spent the past couple of weeks reflecting on my short life to a certain degree. As I look back and see the decisions I've made I can see where, just as the poem says, I've failed to yield my will, convincing myself that it's His. I can see where I've really messed things up because of my stubbornness. I've told myself, "Well I want to do the 'Lords work' so this must be in His will!". I'm finding out quickly that isn't always the case. I didn't truly wait on Him. I listened to Godly counsel, and then didn't always follow it. For those of you reading this who have imparted that counsel to me, I apologize. Please understand that I don't say these things in self-pity, but in regret for the things I've done that may have gotten in the way of good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. I understand there's nothing I can do about it now, and because of that fact, I press forward in Him to redeem the time lost.

As Christ leads me onward I'm finding myself having to give up dreams and ambitions I never thought I'd have to let go of. I always thought that my life was "set". I've always known what I was going to do, and I've made it a matter of public knowledge. But He wants all of me, every part, without reservation. I've realized I can no longer justify "holding on". I'm not sure what hymn this quote is from, but it's been floating around in my head for weeks now,

"When Gods fire upon the altar of my heart was set aflame, my ambitions, plans,
and wishes at my feet in ashes lay."

For me, that is every wish, not just the worldly ones. Every dream, not only the fleshly ones. Every ambition that I once held on to saying, "But this one's for Your glory!". Everything must be laid on the altar if my prayer is going to be truly sincere - that I want only His best. I want only His plans, and only His will for every single part of this life that is now His. There can be no part of me in it. The phrase, "I am not my own" is becoming more real than ever it was before. Anyone who's been through this knows that it's not an easy process. But there is such joy in it! Every day I see small evidences of His working in my heart and mind, changing the very fabric of who I am. It builds my faith. Tears come quickly these days as He's breaking me... What a blessing it is! In the sacrifice of dreams and plans I've found a peace that truly is beyond my understanding. There were moments of wavering, wondering, wishing on tomorrow, but He only tells us to pray "this day" for our daily bread. He truly provides all that we need from day to day and even hour upon hour.

I haven't a clue what the future holds for me. And I can truthfully say, with a peaceful heart that I really don't care right now. The only thing I want is to be fully in His will, whatever the cost may be. I want His plan for me.

Monday, September 03, 2007

100th Post

It seems appropriate to me that on this memorable day I should make some sort of statement, or take this moment to reflect a little bit...

First off, apparently there are a few people reading my blog who I don't know. I know this is the Internet, and I guess it shouldn't surprise me, but I have to admit it's a little freakish to suddenly be getting comments from total strangers, when the people I know don't even comment on my blog anymore. And it really got me thinking last night - Why do I blog?

At first it was because it was a good way to keep in touch with my friends, to know what was going on in their lives, etc. Visiting "blog world" was like participating in a big conversation where everyone talked about the things God was doing individually and corporately through the body of Christ, and it all tied together somehow. The Holy Spirit was speaking the same thing all across the board and we could come here and converse about it through comments and posts. It was really neat. I don't know when or how, but that changed. And that kinda makes me sad. What happened to that? Really guys, I want an answer.

Then it was like for a season there the blogs just "died". Did anyone else notice that? There was (and still are) those who just stopped blogging all that often. Why? What happened? The Lord didn't stop speaking, did He? Really, I want to know. There must be a reason, because the change of subject on the blogs has been a little drastic from what it used to be. And that's not bad. It just makes me curious as to why..

I look back on some of my old posts and the first word that comes to my mind is "Carnal". That scares me. So that brings me to now. Why am I blogging now? What is this blog for? I've spent some time thinking about it. I made a choice a little over a month ago that I didn't want to post "stuff" anymore. If I'm going to say something here I want it to be of substance. And I think I've held to that commitment.. but to what end? For what purpose? I don't want to give the impression that I'm blogging to gain a response, because I'm not. I don't post the things I do to get an accolade from anyone. I just want to share my heart. Sure, this is a creative outlet at times. But what about the rest of it? I'm pouring out my heart here guys.. And it just puzzles me that strangers have more to say about it than people I know and love. To be totally honest, I've struggled with this. I hesitate to bring the things I put on here to home church because if there is little to no response here, it makes me wonder what will happen when I speak these things publicly? It's a little discouraging. I really don't know what to do y'all. I'm going to be praying about whether or not I should keep this thing going. Because I want everything I do to bear fruit...

And just so you know, the questions in this post aren't rhetorical.

(G.I.F.T. girls, y'all can ignore this. Love y'all and don't forget to study Daniel 2!!)

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Holiness Quotes

I found these on another blog, and I hope they don't mind that I "stole" them. Hey people, it's the internet.. if you put it up, expect somebody to playgerize it, right? Haha..

Saying yes to God means saying no to things that offend his holiness.
A. Morgan Derham

The destined end of man is not happiness, nor health, but holiness. God’s one aim is the production of saints. He is not an eternal blessing machine for men; he did not come to save men out of pity; he came to save men because he had created them to be holy.
Oswald Chambers

A holy life will produce the deepest impression. Lighthouses blow no horns; they only shine.
Dwight Lyman Moody

The greatest miracle that God can do today is to take an unholy man out of an unholy world, and make that man holy and put him back into that unholy world and keep him holy in it.
Leonard Ravenhill

The holiest person is . . . one who is most conscious of what sin is.
Oswald Chambers

The holy man is not one who cannot sin. A holy man is one who will not sin.
A. W. Tozer

The true Christian ideal is not to be happy but to be holy.
A. W. Tozer
The holier a man is, the less he is understood by men of the world.
Cardinal John Henry Newman