Cause I can’t see how these pieces of my life can rhyme

That's a line from a poem that I read just a minute ago..

Jesus show me the signs

one at a time

'Cause I can’t see how

these pieces of my life can rhyme

I dunno if this'll ever make it as more than a draft in my blog, so I don't really care what I write here.

Isn't there a way for the Lord to just wipe my memory clean? Well even if He did I don't think it would help much in this instance, unless He wanted to skin me alive. What is your past worth? Is it necessary or relevant under the cross? Does the cross just intensify the necessity to share it? Is that the only way people will see how far He's taken you? How far do you take it in relationship? Is that a part of growing in a Godly relationship? Before, I would've said yes.. but that was before I was saved. I just wanted to glorify myself or draw attention. But that's the last thing I want now. Before.. I would've said you didn't know me unless you knew what I came out of. But does that crud even matter now? Is it enough to just let them know me as I am now? Or would I be cheating them by keeping silent? I DON'T KNOW!!! I just don't know.. maybe I like it better that way. The longer I don't know the better.. I'm afraid of the answers. I'm keeping the noise level just loud enough so I can't hear His reply, if there even is one.

Ya know.. I never told Nan. Maybe she guessed. Maybe she just knew. Why bring it up now? What good would it do? It would answer these questions.. But I'd sound like an idiot.. because here I am being dumb, not letting myself get still enough to hear what the Lord has to say. Bob tells us all the time "I know God talks to ya'll.." But I honestly don't know if I'd be able to determine His voice from my own desires right now. I'd need to hear what others thought before I acted. Is that right? What do I do...?