Monday, September 25, 2006

Sleep evades me

Sleeping evades me this night. I had a nap this afternoon, but I don't think that's it. I have to be up and getting ready for work in a little over 2 hours. Somehow... I know that this is the Lord. My spirit is pacing within me. I don't know what this is about. No matter what I do to get comfortable or how still I lie, I have to press my lips together to keep from crying out unutterable prayers. I could second guess this, but I've learned better than that.

What does He want from me?

:After thinking and pondering on some things:

What does He want from me? Obedience. Pure Obedience. What do I want? Obedience. Because with it comes everything that He promised to us. It's finally become clearer than ever.

A couple of weeks ago while sitting in Penny's living room enjoying some fellowship in the light, God began to show me some things about Jesus relationship with the Father. Jesus always, always, always did everything exactly according to what the Father said. Because of this, no matter what happened or what came at Him, he was confident. They could bring no charge against Him that would shake Him. He never felt the need to defend Himself from their false accusations. Look: "My doctrine is not Mine, but His who sent Me. If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know concerning the doctrine, whether it is from God or whether I speak on My own authority. He who speaks from himself seeks his own glory; but He who seeks the glory of the One who sent Him is true, and no unrighteousness is in Him" ang again, here "If I do not do the works of My Father, do not believe Me; but if I do, though you do not believe Me, believe the works, that you may know and believe that the Father is in Me, and I in Him.”
That's only two examples of Jesus basically telling them "Judge me by my fruit." Can I say that? Do I even want to say that? No.. I bristle at even the slightest accusation against me, true or false. I'm always afraid of my pride and reputation being hurt.. But He made himself of no reputation for the sake of pure obedience.

Now to bring this back around to relationship:

In John 6 where Jesus is speaking to His followers about "eating his flesh" and "drinking his blood" He asks them the question "Does this offend you? 62 What then if you should see the Son of Man ascend where He was before? 63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life. 64 But there are some of you who do not believe." For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were who did not believe, and who would betray Him." What blows me away is that He knew from the beginning they would do this. Yet still He obeyed the Father holding nothing back in His relationship with these people. Think about it. These are those who walked with Him and learned under Him. They were close to Him! But he didn't hold himself back from them. He obeyed, regardless of the personal risk. He was not moved by their betrayal. His world didn't rock because they decided they didn't want Him. Then He took it a step further, saying this: Then Jesus said to the twelve, "Do you also want to go away?" I honestly have to look at this and think that it really wouldn't have mattered to Him one way or the other if those guys had decided they didn't want to follow anymore. His world would not have been rocked. Because of the relationship He had with the Father, no matter what, He was going to continue on in obedience whether or not anyone went with Him. And really when you look at it over all, no one went with Him. Did even one of those guys follow Him to the cross (John might be the only exception)? Even Peter who expressed his devotion rejected Him. Yet did Jesus once hold back in His affection for the twelve?

Is that where we are in relationship? Is the relationship that I have with the Father so strong that even if the leaders of our congregation were to fall, I would not be moved? Would it shake my world in a way that would threaten my obedience to the Father? Would I still be able to have relationships with God's people? Is my relationship with the Father that steady, that stable?? Would I be able to walk in obedience, loving the saints, even if those I trust the most reject Him? It comes down to this: Is my salvation based soley in Jesus Christ, or is it reliant on the faithfulness of others around me? Am I relying on HIS solid foundation for ME, or on the foundation of others? And the other question is this: Will I obey His command to love one another, regardless of the risk? Will I follow the example He set? Can I put my full confidence in HIM and not in any person?

I want to. I want to walk as He walked... Only He can produce that fruit in me.

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